I can't make sense of anything. Nothing is processing through my brain. I'm not even sure my vision is working properly. All I see is lights, bright white lights. I start moving my lips. Trying to get some kind of noise, anything really, to slip through them. Seems they aren't working properly either. What's going on? I try not to panic, but then my hearing kicks in.
"Gerard? Oh my god. Gerard can you hear me? GERARD! Baby, please no. Please wake up!"
Wake up? What is she screaming about? Am I not awake, I see the lights? Shit. It's those lights. The lights every movie warns you not to go into. Well shit, this is not good at all.
I feel Mom's hand slip into mine, squeezing it, trying to reassure me every things going to be fine. Not this time. I know I fucked up big this time.
3 Months Later
I often find myself thinking of that night. The night I fucked everything up for everyone. The night I lost everything. The night I lost my best friend, all my previous memories, my sanity. Even worse, I think of my mom and how she reacted to receiving the news. From what Mikey told me, she hadn't moved from the floor for quite sometime. Which explains why Mikey was the first one to visit me in the hospital.
I don't remember anything before waking up in the hospital bed, holding moms hand. I do remember what I daze I was in though. I didn't say anything for awhile. I just sat there and stared at the wall trying to comprehend everything that was being said. I remember hearing the words "we love you, its not your fault" at least a thousand times that day.
It was a car crash, apparently. A car crash that killed my best friend, and nearly me. I don't remember my dead best friend, Andy. But that didn't stop me from thinking that it should've been me who died. I don't know for sure, but for some reason I think it was my fault. I was probably the one who suggested we go out and party that night. Probably forcing him to drive also.
I wish I knew, I wish I could remember.
---
"Morning Gee. Sleep okay, bro?" Mikey was way to cheerful in the morning. I wonder if he's always been like this? I need at least two cups of coffee before I can even look at someone. Have I always been like this? Even before-
"Gerard, you okay?"
"Sorry Mikes. And no, I slept like shit. Mind kept wondering everywhere."
"Seems to be doing the same thing this morning, doesn't it?" I just gave him a thoughtful nod and sipped at my coffee. He was right. This morning my head seems to be stuck back in the hospital, where I left everything else.
"You boys better get going if you want to make it to school on time. Wouldn't want to be late for your first day of senior year would you Gerard", mom said snapping me back to my cruel reality. School. She quickly walks by, giving us both quick kisses on top of our heads. I feel something being slipped in my hand. Something round and smooth. Something I hate taking. She whispers into my ear, "I know you haven't been taking them, take it or else Gerard."
With that , I leave her. Tears pricking at my eyes, threatening to spill out, as I dry swallow my fucking pill. Mikey says nothing, knowing how touchy I am about my pills.
What a wonderful start to a fucking, beautiful day.
YOU ARE READING
I'll Never Forget
FanfictionI remember that it was sad. It was sad seeing the small boy walk into school, casting his head downwards to avoid the staring of multiple teenagers, making his way to student affairs. I remember how his black fringe covered his eyes, making it diffi...
