From The Flames Is Rebirth (The Forever Pirates) #4

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A/N: I'm sorry it's been slower updates than my previous books, but I am finally getting ahead. I just need to write a couple more chapters in the chamber. I have a lot planned for this series and even after, and I'm incredibly excited for it. I hope you guys will love it, and I just have to be patient with spoilers and get past this and the next book, lol. I love you guys! ♡

Hongjoong 

I watched as the clouds in the sky cleared up. I waited for a couple more days inside the caves, and by the time I planned to leave, more sea life was coming back. So, it was easier to get food before we boarded the ship. I watched my crew get back on, watched the exhaustion, and and pain on their face. They had been through a hundred wars at this point, and I watched as it ate at them. 

I took San by the arm, stopping him from going right back to hiding out. "San, we're goin' back. We'll figure it out, and I'll look for a way t' help. I'm not forgettin' him." 

His eyes met mine, and they were so fucking tired that it pained me to see him like this. "I'm not crazy." He whispered to me. 

My eyebrows furrowed, "No, San. Ye're not. Just...let us go back." 

He offered a bland smile that didn't reach his eyes before walking off. I sighed, swallowing down everything inside like I always made sure to do, because I couldn't add onto their own problems, so I kept mine at bay. And I just went to the captain's quarters to have some privacy. Privacy to fucking breathe because I felt my heart pounding in my ears. God, it had been a while and I was starting to actually lose it without Seonghwa. I felt my composure start slipping, my abilities failing. 

I let out a shaky breath, going over to the bed and just slipping into the comfort of it. I broke down into sobs, feeling the weight of it crush me. As tired as everyone else was, I felt the exhaustion just the same. I missed him, really fucking bad. And I sort of hated myself for it. 

***

It reached nightfall and we were sailing in the darkness. I stayed at the helm, deciding to be the one at the ships wheel to not cause any unwanted stress for Jongho. He was the best sailing master I had ever met, but even for his more mundane eyes, sailing at night was difficult while getting no sleep. 

Usually we'd rest during nights, but I told San I'd get back to Wooyoung, and the faster we made it back, the better. Yeosang was back to getting fish to swim up to the ship so we'd have a good supply of food. I was just relieved nobody actually asked me about my plan, because I didn't have one. 

I couldn't get over the ache in my heart, to consistently ignore the fact that Seonghwa was fucking missing, MM was fucking missing and it had been more than a year since he had been missing. The time it took to get to the siren caves was long enough. But I was ignoring it, because of my crew. 

I didn't know what I planned to do with Wooyoung if he really was a fucking dragon, I didn't even think that was possible, I just trusted San's word enough to believe him. But I think I intended to leave the crew in the outer skirts of that city. I think I intended to have San or Yunho, even Jongho if need be, be interim captain so I could search for Seonghwa. It was fucking ripping me apart, and I was fucking exhausted of putting my needs on the fucking back burner. Grieving one of my greatest friends was one thing, I could put off grieving Wooyoung because I knew that there was nothing I could do and I needed to help my crew. But Seonghwa could be in danger, and with what I assumed was going on, he was. I couldn't keep putting this off. And the dread I felt in my heart wrecked me completely.