The Ocean and the Moon

Chapter 4: September

C offered to take H to the shooting location they will stay in for a few weeks, by the sea. Their characters drive along the coast at one point so it made sense to go for a long drive together, although, again, C wonders about the line between getting into character and whatever else pulls him towards H.

"You can pick the music," C offers when H gets in the car, both to be polite but also because he is curious.

"Are you sure? Because I'll make a road trip playlist right now, I'm warning you."

"Sure, that's fine."

"Last chance to change your mind."

"I trust your taste," C says, leaving the parking space and driving away.

H doesn't say anything and focuses on his phone. He looks at H when the first song starts. He is sat turned towards him, one leg up on the seat. C feels H's eyes on him. He can almost feel shivers up and down his right arm. He focuses on the road

"So?" H finally asks after the song ends and another starts.

"So?"

"So??"

C gives H a quick look before focusing back on the road.

"What do you think?" H asks.

"I think we left at the right time because there's not too much traffic."

"I meant the playlist!"

"Oh. I guess we like the same things. Billie Eilish and Dvwn, and now Say Sue Me."

"You know Say Sue Me?"

This time, C turns his whole face towards H, with a half-cheeky half-suspicious smile.

"You know you don't have to be a former art school kid to like indie music, right?"

"Right," H says and he sits back straight on his seat. He looks out the window. "A few years ago my friends and I skipped school and went to Busan to see them live. I'd just turned 18."

"How was that?"

"It was great. We had fun. We just kind of took off. We were kids and we were free."

"What are you now?"

"I don't know," H says in a whisper at the window. "Mostly worried and lost, somedays, it feels."

C is surprised by this. Up until now, he's seen H as a kid and as free. He thought he was the one who was worried and lost.

"What are you worried about and how are you lost?" C asks, turning his head to look at H again for a second.

"Just -" H seems to think about what to say and how much, "money stuff, career stuff, I guess." C looks at him. H looks at the city passing by for a while, before say, "And just - sometimes feeling like I want to do so much I might explode. And then I want to do so little - because what's the point - I might implode. Just have to find my way through that. The balance. Where I belong."

They don't really say any more after that. C sometimes takes a quick look at H who is still looking out the window in silence. A new side of him, C thinks. The moods and the darkness, behind the charm and the radiance. C didn't expect this. Didn't expect to find an echo of himself in H. The playlist goes on. They reach a rest stop after a couple of hours.

"I need to pee and I want tteokbokki." H starts getting out of the car. "But don't worry, I'll pay my share of the gas."

"I'm not worried. I'll meet you at the food stalls when I'm done." C puts on his black mask. "Unless - you don't want company?"