The Ocean and the Moon

Chapter 6: October

Shooting will be coming to an end soon. And then H will probably go back to his routine. Back to Seoul. Bar gigs and youtube videos and auditions. He has a lead on a gallery interested in his work. Not like they would pay him, but good exposure. Saying goodbye to this, to everyone, to the ocean. At least until promo time before the release, months from now.

That's what H is thinking about when he sits down on the steps in front of the restaurant where they'll be shooting, facing the sea, waiting for C to join him and run some lines before the day starts. C is bringing 2 mugs with smoke escaping lazily from each with every step, a paper bag hanging from one hand. It's early. The morning light is pink and it makes C's smile look especially soft.

C sits down next to H. Nights have grown more chilly with the changing seasons and cold is lingering into the daylight now. H shivers, takes the cup and the bag C is handing him, says thank you and shifts closer to C. Warmth starts spreading slowly from where they touch. They look out at the sea.

There's a still warm slice of something like brioche in the bag. H takes a small bite. It's soft and sweet and comforting. He hands the slice to C who puts a hand up.

"Thanks. I don't think I can eat right now."

"You say that a lot," H can't help but say. He regrets it immediately, even if there was no reproach in his voice. But C doesn't take offense. He just keeps staring at the beach and the water.

H lays the bag next to him on the step and hugs his Americano with both hands. They lose themselves in the sound of the waves for a couple of minutes.

C turns to look at him. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking," H sighs, "this bubble will burst soon. And we'll all be going back to real life."

"How is it," C asks, "living your life?"

"It's - looking ahead and trying not to think too far into the future." H looks at the sky changing colors, then at C. "How is it like living your life?"

C looks out at the waves. "I don't know anymore," he says. "It's like coming here, I'm discovering things for the first time. I feel like I'm 13 again."

"Does this place make you think of where you grew up?"

"Maybe," C says. "It's so weird. It's like coming here is making me think about my life, and the life I'll never have."

"What life?"

"The life of a regular Korean man, or a regular Australian, a regular university student, who never has to wonder if my career is why people seem to like me." He pauses. "I don't really remember why I made those choices anymore, all those years ago. But it doesn't change the fact that all that is out of reach now. And I don't hate my career. Or how far I've come. I just -"

"You're mourning?"

"What?"

"You're - mourning this life you cannot have anymore?"

"I guess."

"It's okay. I think everyone does it after a big change or decision. Life sometimes doesn't look like what we thought it would. But it can still be good. And there are always unconventional paths to take."

They lose themselves in the sound of the waves for a couple of minutes. H thinks about the boy - how brave and full of doubts he'd never suspected, how lonely and kind, how beautiful in the morning. H stops himself before starting to think about what he would look like in the water after taking off his clothes. He clears his throat.

"Do you love that sky?" H asks then.

C looks out at the sky now perfectly blue. "Yeah. Cloudless."

H must look a certain way because C asks, "What?" with a suspicious smile.