Freedom

10

Sam felt like he had fucked up. The look on Gabriel's face when he had come out the shower felt like a punch in the face. He looked so broken. Sam scrubbed at his hair, trying to wash all the lake water out of it. He was starting to wonder if he had pushed too hard.  He has seen Gabriel look sad before and scared, but he had never looked broken until now. He needed to reel it in, take a step back and give the man some space. He finished his shower, stepping out and drying off before getting dressed.

Sam walked out of the bathroom,  expecting to find Gabriel in the bedroom. Instead, he saw the man sitting outside. He wanted to go out with him, to sit down and pull the man into his arms and just hold him, anything to get that look off his face.  Instead, he went to the kitchen, pulling out hotdogs and sticks. Gabriel had thought it would be fun to cook them over the fire.

He carried the stuff outside, setting it on the table. He tried to keep the worry off his face when he saw that Gabriel's expression was the same. He threw some small logs into the fire pit, getting the flames going before sitting on the bench across from Gabriel's.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Gabriel didn't respond. He was too lost in his own head, thinking about his time locked up. Sam sighed, moving to sit beside him. Gabriel didn't look away from the growing fire.

"Gabe?"

Gabriel reached out, taking Sam's hand, shaking his head. He didn't want to talk about it. Sam squeezed his hand, staying silent as the fire grew more. They watched the flames dance, the light growing brighter as the sky darkened. Gabriel leaned against Sam, trying to find his words.

"I don't know how to do this."

Sam turned to look at him, his confusion clear on his face.

"Do what?"

Gabriel raised their hands, motioning between them.

"This. Us. A normal relationship. I don't know how to do it. I never have before."

Sam sighed, letting go of Gabriel's hand and wrapping his arm around him instead.

"Nothing has to change if you don't want it to. I didn't mean to push so much. I'm sorry."

Gabriel laughed softly, shaking his head.

"That's not the problem. The problem is that besides sex, I don't know how to be with a person, and even that, I don't know how to do it without it feeling like another job."

Sam nodded. He understood what Gabriel meant. After being where he was for that long, how was he supposed to know what a normal relationship looked like. Sam wanted to tell him that it was okay, that he would show him what it meant. He wanted to, but he didn't. He just squeezed Gabriel in a hug before standing to grab the food.

"It's okay, I can wait. For now, how about we just eat dinner?"

Gabriel smiled softly, losing some of the sadness from his eyes. He took one of the sticks from Sam, sliding a kotdog onto it and holding it over the fire. They fell into a comfortable silence as they cooked their food and ate.

After finishing their food, Sam went inside, returning a minute later with a guitar. He started to strum a melody. Gabriel recognized the tune, smiling and humming along before starting to sing.

"Once I rose above the noise and confusion, just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion. I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high."

Sam couldn't help his smile, Gabriel's voice was beautiful. He continued playing, joining Gabriel in singing the chorus.

"Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more."

They continued for the rest of the song, Sam listening to Gabriel sing the verses and joining in for the chorus. He continued strumming random melodies after that, humming along occasionally.  Gabriel pulled his phone out, recording a video of Sam playing. He smiled at the focused look on Sam's face, hoping the video could pick up his humming.