The Worst Hero

Heroing is Hard

"Welcome back!"

Ribayashi was standing in the flipped-over SUV playing Subway Surfers on a phone he found in the backseat.

"When you last saw my heroic exploits I was in a high-speed car chase fucking everybody up with my super sick moves but the car flipped and I'm about to get gangbanged."

Ribayashi pointed his thumb toward the outside of the SUV.

"I counted 14 with assault rifles and they're all standing out there dickless waiting for me, and I thought we had honor in Japan! Alas-"

"Come out with your hands up!"

Ribayashi groaned

"I don't wanna!"

"This is your last chance! Throw out your weapons and come peacefully!'

"I'm not gonna give you my weapons but I won't need to use them if you tell me where daddy All For One is!"

Warning shots struck the flipped-over SUV.

"Hey, people who use big assault rifles usually compensate for something below the waist!"

Even more, shots struck the SUV, even striking Ribayashi.

Ribayashi pulled out one of his two desert eagles and snagged the driver of the SUV whose body was still in the car.

"Here we go! Maximum effort!"

Ribayashi gave the body a high five

He jumps out of the car using the body as a shield as gunfire erupts every shot missing or hitting the body. There are two gunmen to his left. Ribayashi pulls the trigger twice, killing both of them with a single headshot. He lands behind the SUV as the sound of a bike engine roaring towards him zigs by the SUV unloading shots at Ribayashi as they drive by.

Ribayashi grunts in pain.

"Shit."

Ribayashi said as he put his finger through the new bullet hole in his right forearm. He looked through it and saw the biker driving back towards him.

"Motherfucker."

Ribayashi shoots at the driver once missing.

"Shit!"

He shoots again missing.

"Fuck!"

The biker dodging the shots was almost past the SUV so they made a half-hearted attempt at shooting Ribayashi missing as Ribayashi shot and did the same.

"Shit-Fuck!"

Ribayashi jumps over the tipped car watching the driver drive in between a traffic jam of stopped civilian cars.

"Bad Ribayashi."

He heard glass getting shattered behind him and one of the armed men peaked their head behind the car to where he was so Ribayashi shot him in the head.

"Good Ribayashi. How did he not hear or see me?"

He was taken out of his musing by gunfire directly at him. Ribayashi ran towards the gunfire jumping over car hoods and even getting shot a few times until he got to one of the uncrashed SUVs and saw a man starting to reload his gun. They were on opposite sides of the car. Ribayashi looked through the car window trying to find his target, he got up from the cover shooting through the windows.

"AH!"

RIbayashi gasped and ducked as the shooter unloaded into the car then jumped on the hood of the car and saw Ribayashi lying down playing on that phone. The shooter held down the trigger on his gun and heard it click.