In the Depth of the Forest, Eventually, a Deer Is Seen [BL]

Part 4

11

I slowly lowered my head, Lu Jin An's eyelashes trembled slightly.

If not for the loud rain outside, I think I could hear my irregular heartbeat.

The next second, breaths intertwined, the familiar scent of jasmine filled my entire nose.

All this was so familiar.

Countless nights, I felt his warmth, his affection, his love.

My hot hands gripped my waist, pulling myself closer into his embrace.

I could see my reflection through his eyes.

Was it Shen Qi Huai or Shen Qi An?

12

I returned to the familiar home, but now there were no traces of "Shen Qi Huai".

Lu Jin An kept his promise, on the third day I moved back into Lu Jin An's home, Lu Jin An had chosen a new cemetery plot for Shen Qi Huai.

I cradled the small box full of dirt like a precious treasure:

"Brother, I found you a new, free home, I hope you're comfortable here."

I watched Shen Qi Huai being buried again, feeling a heart-wrenching pain.

Lu Jin An stood in front of the tombstone, I'm not sure what he said.

I think Lu Jin An must be feeling bad too, after all, the person buried here is the one he loved.

Lu Jin An and I returned to the car, and I leaned on him as before.

"Mr. Lu, thank you."

Lu Jin An didn't respond to my thanks, but placed my hand in his palm: "Qi Huai used to call me Jin An."

I was startled, immediately lowering my gaze: "Sorry, I'll change how I address you."

Lu Jin An gripped my hand tightly, also saying nothing.

Back at the villa, after Lu Jin An and I had lunch, he went to work.

As a stand-in, I didn't need to continue working at the convenience store. When I arrived at this villa, Lu Jin An had given me a card, saying it was my compensation for being Shen Qi Huai's stand-in.

Lu Jin An would come home around 10 PM every night, I would always remember to greet Lu Jin An as I did when pretending to be Shen Qi Huai.

Perhaps unable to accept that his white moonlight had suddenly changed, Lu Jin An would sleep in separate rooms from me.

Actually, this was also good, this way he wouldn't discover my insomnia.

Since Shen Qi Huai's death, I began to have sleepless nights, relying on sleeping pills, and even now starting to increase the dosage.

Moonlight shone through the floor-to-ceiling window onto the bed, I vaguely remembered, when I was together with Lu Jin An, telling him I liked large floor-to-ceiling windows, feeling the whole room would become brighter.

I just noticed, Lu Jin An had always remembered my words.

I couldn't help feeling moved.

13

Living in Lu Jin An's home, my life didn't change much.

Our relationship remained at kissing, I guess probably because Lu Jin An truly loved Shen Qi Huai, so he didn't want to touch me.

Every day I waited in the living room for him to come home from work, occasionally going to his company to bring him lunch, picking him up when he was drunk.

Every time I went, Lu Jin An's friends would look at me with shock, but out of face, they didn't speak up.

Of course, they were shocked, whether shocked that the dead Shen Qi Huai had come back to life, or that Lu Jin An found someone who looked just like Shen Qi Huai, I didn't know.

Sometimes, Lu Jin An would sit by my bed at night, but he wouldn't do anything, just simply stare at me.

I'm a light sleeper, any little noise would wake me up, obviously Lu Jin An didn't know this.

I could only pretend not to wake up, letting him stare, to be honest, this feeling really wasn't great, but I couldn't say anything.

I considered myself a great actor, after all, it had always been me by his side from beginning to end, but it seemed that wasn't the case.

"Your birthday is coming up, is there anything you want?"

My hand paused for a second while reading.

That's right, although my and Shen Qi Huai's birthdays were two years apart, the dates were just three days apart.

Lu Jin An must be referring to Shen Qi Huai's birthday, right?

I thought about Shen Qi Huai's preferences and slowly opened my mouth:

"If possible, I want a library."

Shen Qi Huai loved reading, he was like a canary imprisoned in a cage by the Shen family, and books were the windows through which he understood the outside world.

I thought Lu Jin An would be pleased with my answer, but he just irritably furrowed his brows:

"I meant, do you want anything?"

I bowed my head silently, what do I want?

What right do I have to want anything?

Even the right to stand by Lu Jin An's side was given to me by Shen Qi Huai.

"Nothing..."

As if irritated by my response, Lu Jin An got a bit annoyed, but still spoke to me with a suppressed voice:

"Think carefully about what you really like, let me know once you decide."

After saying that, he returned to his own room.

I slumped on the sofa like a puddle of mud, my hands began to tremble, my mind like an old TV unable to function, I could clearly feel that I had a breakdown.

I staggered back to my own bedroom, took out a pill from the bottom drawer.

After swallowing it, my body slowly stopped trembling, I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

It wasn't long before the drug's side effects gradually came on, and drowsiness surged over me.