ABC Drabbles

G is for Gullible

Warning: Crack! Fluff!! OOC!! Maybe rated M?

" Avada Kedavra"- English

$ Avada Kedavra$- Parseltongue

-Avada Kedavra-  Thought Speech

Harry looked at the coupon in his hand. It was a soft pink piece of paper with gilt edges and had the word "Free" written on it in golden cursive. He didn't normally get this kind of mail and was baffled by why he had received the spam.

Quickly looking right and left, making sure no one spotted his feminine mail, Harry shoved the paper in his pocket and headed off into Hogsmeade. Blushing, Harry ducked into the discreet looking store with a plain white banner proclaiming it's grand opening. In fact, he was so flustered Harry never even wonder why none of his other other classmates were going into the brand new "adult toy" store!

Walking in, he was greeted with a stiff smile by the handsome, though Malfoyish, salesclerk. Then again, Harry reasoned, he would feel a little awkward if he worked in this kind of store too... So, with all his Gryffindor confidence, Harry stopped admiring the clerk and scurried over to the actual "toys." He gulp as he ran a hand down a particularly large, pink, and rather bumpy specimen. Perhaps he was in over his head?!

Bright red, Harry randomly grab a nearby toy (yes, that same pink monstrosity) and ran to the counter. He handed his coupon to the clerk and waited with baited breath as the item was looked over and then his coupon checked. The clerk glanced at him, again looking very oddly Malfoyish with his skeptically raised brow, before handing Harry his... purchase.

"Excuse me young man."

Harry jumped out of his skin when he heard that smooth cultured voice address him.

"Y-yes?"

"My eyes are going bad and I can't seem to read this. Could you please tell me what it says?"

He handed Harry a piece of parchment and looked on expectantly.

"Uh, okay. M-Mor-Morsmo-Morsmorde?!"

Suddenly green eyes widened as he felt a tugging sensation on his navel. The last thing Harry saw before he passed out was the face of a smirking blonde... Malfoy Sr?!

Lord Voldemort smirked as he watched his great nemesis sleeping a stunner off in his bed. Taking the "toy" from the boy he tapped it against the boy's lips and watched a little pink tongue creep out and lick it.

This was just too great. He couldn't believe the fluffy haired hero was so gullible as to believe the scam. Victory was going to be very... pleasurable.

Harry woke up to see the Dark Lord standing over him with a rather familiar pink object in his hand. He gulped and scooted back towards the headboard.

"C-can't we just talk this out?"

The red eyed lord gave Harry a predatory smirk and laughed.

"I don't think you'll be talking for much longer..."

The Death Eaters and Nagini rushed off of the manor and shrill screams and moans filled the hall. They didn't know what the Dark Lord was doing to Potter, but they didn't want to find out! Severus Snape was especially disturbed. It looked like they'd have to go with their Longbottom backup hero.

Meanwhile, back in his bedroom, the Dark Lord grinned at the sated Savior next to him. Winning was fun!