fnaf movie vanessa shelly x fem!reader

i wish you were a boy. 2

tw. angst / no comfort maybe some at the end

song rec(s). good luck, babe - chappell roan

an. i have nothing to say but i did realize i wrote the 'song rec(s)' ( fixed it ) wrong also messily written dont mind that at all LMAO 

-

It has been some time since you and Vanessa actually had a right conversation. always passing each other quickly though the house, awkward greetings here and there but nothing close to a "how are you?" or "how was your day?" nothing.

you had been thinking about moving out as fast you can but didn't really find anything good right now. especially because your work was taking more and more free time away from you. which led you to just wanting to sleep instead of doing anything.

you noticed though how vanessa stayed out longer, even on her breaks. she was really not the one who would go out even. not to stay out more than two hours.

you guessed this whole thing had an effect on her too. right? at least she was regretting it. but oh, how you craved to talk to her really again. at least she used to be your best friend. your favorite person. and you were hers. it was true.

you didn't really know but she thought of you. a LOT. at work. at the bars when she tries to numb her feelings for you. in her car on her way to somewhere. even at home, when you two are basically only some meters away.

as much as she was thinking of you she realized how much you mean to her. and how much she loves you.

at first, she didn't want to accept it. it felt weird and new to her. she was never in love with a girl before.

she knew you were hurt, deeply. but she didn't know how to cheer you up right now. she never got comforted in her life at all, of course you did comfort her. but she didn't know how to comfort someone.

though, one night something changes. she puts every confidence in her and tries to talk to you.

-

she gently knocks on your door around 10pm on a Tuesday night. you are laying in your bed all comfortable, watching some shitty tv show while eating your favorite snack. you feel your heart beat a little bit faster as you climb out of the warm and make your way to the door.

"vanessa?"

she looks down, fidgeting with the bottom of her shirt. she is almost silent for a minute.

"i am... so sorry, (y/n)." she manages to speak up. almost crying.

you sigh and look down at your feet.

"i wanna make things right between us. after all... we were once best friend?"

you nod, yet you can't forget how she said 'i wish you were a boy.'

"vanessa..." you whisper.

"i know i messed up. it was a lot. but please, give me a second chance," you look up at her. she is already looking at you.

"i want to be friends again— i'm sorry... but i have no feelings for you."

you can only nod at that. you should have expected this outcome. she could never be in love with another girl. yet, there were times where you hooked up. however... you both were really drunk.

vanessa exactly knew she was lying to herself but somehow she couldn't tell you how much she loves you. even, she didn't know why. maybe it was because she always wanted to be the perfect daughter for her terrible father. you heard her cries about him so many times, you couldn't even count on your two hands. deep down in her heart, she knew she will never be enough for him, yet you told her countless times that she doesn't have to be.

"i am not too sure, vanessa... i'm sorry." you answer to her.

"after these past weeks of us ignoring each other..," you don't really wanna bring up the thing she said because you know, you would break down. "both of us acted childish, but it's taking it's tool out on us now," you look down. "and i want someone who doesn't only hookups with me when they're drunk." you say the last part much more quietly.

she nods. she is unable to speak up. her stomach flips with every second. she prepared herself for the first really, but deep down she was never prepared enough for this.

"i understand you." after some time she manages to talk.

you don't know what's going on inside you. your stomach is walking up and down in you and your heart is loud enough for the neighbors to hear it. you don't know if you wished for vanessa to be understanding or to fight for you.

she doesn't wanna push you past your limits. she doesn't wanna make you cry again.

the fact you craved to talk to her again like old times yet here you are saying you don't wanna get close to her again.

"well, i hope everything goes good for you." she speaks up and gets you out of your thoughts. you can hear she is about to cry depending on seconds. you only nod.

"goodnight." she says and turns around.

"you know...," you starts she faces you. "it's better to talk about feelings then for them to drown."

she nods in agreement. "yes, i know..." she hesitantly reponds. deep down you know that applies for you too, but wasn't that kiss enough to tell everything to her?

-

the next week you move out. you finally found a house that you can afford and it looks exactly like how you want it to. after that, you never talked to vanessa. in fact, you even started to slowly move on and start to search for love. not always thinking about needing a relationship but if you find the right person then you'll go for them.

for vanessa... well. she thought about you too much. she missed your presence in the house so much. your voice, your smiles, your laughter, your cooking. everything.

though, after two years or so, she found love. or maybe someone who would look after her when needed someone. a man, of course. vanessa never spoke about you. tried to not think of you after her marriage yet... almost every night she thought of you. the pictures of you on her phone, she often looked through them.

in the meantime you found love too! a really sweet girl. she was your whole world. your everything. you never really thought of vanessa. maybe some times. but this girl showed you colors no one has ever.

-

sometimes you fantasize about standing in front of vanessa and telling her everything you felt when you moved out and wanted to tell her, you told her so many times how she would end up in a loveless marriage if she doesn't speak about her feelings at least a little bit more often as time went on. at least to you. someone she used to call her best friend!

still, these were meaningless little fantasies you had maybe two monthly.

only if you knew.