natasha romanoff one-shots (gxg)

𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞 - 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

a/n: last one and yes i am 100% serious this time

shorter than the other ones because there's not much happening; this is basically just to show you reader's reaction to finding out what nat did

Neither of you know who's more relieved that you're back, but that doesn't really matter anymore. All that matters is that you are back. Back at home, in her arms, in your bed. Your scent is the same, and so are you, and even Natasha has returned to normal by now.

Well, almost normal. What she did over those past few months — how she first took apart the Avengers, then turned the city into a dark place within a matter of mere weeks; how she went against everything she believes in, against everything you believe in — it weighs heavily on her mind. It's only been hours since you returned, but she feels horrible. She managed to push the guilt aside for about a day, merely to soak up the blissful feeling of having you back, but it's now coming back at full force.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't notice it. Natasha's acting...odd, to say the least. Odd in the same way as about two years ago, when she was struggling with the pain of failing the world. When she felt like all the blame was on her, like she was the one responsible for billions of deaths when, in reality, it wasn't her fault at all.

It worries you, to be honest. You try not to show, because you don't want to appear overly concerned again, but you worry anyway.

At night, it's especially bad. Insomnia pairs with nightmares and creates the most annoying combination of all time. Natasha stirs, consciousness rudely pulling her away from sleep. Her eyes flutter open to find you sleeping, curled up against her side and blissfully unware of her inner turmoil. Guilt and regret crash over her like a tidal wave at the sight of you, the memories of all the terrible things she's done over the past months fresh in her mind. She gently pulls away from you, trying her best not to wake you as she carefully slips out of bed. She needs a few minutes to herself — to clear her mind.

But you wake up moments later, your hand reaching out for her. When you only find rumpled sheets, cold already, in the darkness of the room, you huff and turn around to look at your phone — 4.27am. You rub your eyes and get up, sleepily searching the compound for her.

You end up finding her outside. Natasha's standing on the compound's premises, her figure a dark silhouette against the inky night sky. She takes a sip of coffee, the bitter taste of caffeine the only thing keeping the overwhelming sense of guilt at bay. The compound is quiet, the silence only broken by the slight noise of crickets and her quiet swallows as she brings the cup to her lips again. You quietly walk out the open door, watching her.

"You're insane, you know." You stand behind her, your arms wrapped around your upper body to keep yourself shielded from the cold February air.

Natasha flinches, startled. She turns to look over her shoulder, surprised to find you standing there in nothing but your pajamas. "Jesus! What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, idiot." You huff and move to stand next to her. "It's not even 5am and you left to drink coffee and stare at what? The dew forming on the grass?"

She rolls her eyes, a fond smile forming on her lips at your sarcastic remark. "Coffee makes the world go round", she teases, holding out the mug for you to take a sip. You give her a deadpan look, but take a sip anyway. Black coffee, of course. The bitter taste makes you grimace.

"So does sleep. And cuddles. But no, you decided to play hermit again."

"You're talking as if I woke you up on purpose." She averts her gaze, looking at anything and everything but you, her hand clutching the mug tightly as guilt begins to rear its ugly head again. The fact that she's been hiding this from you makes it even worse, but she can't help it — she's afraid you'll look at her differently when you find out.