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"how have things been? i'm sorry for your loss by the way." alexandra heard her therapist say and it was enough for her to begin to cry silently. her therapist leaned over handing her some soft tissues.
alex sniffled, "thank you." she chuckled trying to cheer up for this session. she quickly wiped her tears away fanning herself trying not to ruin her makeup
she breathed heavily then bit her lip about to lie but her therapist knows her too well. "i'm um... i'm about ready to throw in the towel." she started as her therapist started writing then gave her full divided attention. she let her finish speaking.
"i keep losing people around me. everytime i blink it feels like i'm at a funeral. i've lost too many people over the past few years and i just wonder when is it going to stop? but i know everything happens for a reason."
"but i'm glad that i got to end things good with emily." she admitted quietly fiddling with her fingers, her heart began to grow easy while talking about things she hasn't ever spoke about
"you wish you got to get some kind of closure with grant. with felix. with venetia." her therapist said but more claimed. alexandra shut her eyes nodding away
"yeah..." she bit her lip, "yeah i do." she whispered.
"do you miss all three of them?"
"i miss grant and apart of me misses both felix and venetia but i feel anger and resentment towards them even though they are gone."
her therapist laid her clipboard down then leaned forward clasping her hands together letting out a deep breath, "i think maybe you should go see them at their graves."
alexandra fluttered her eyes then awkwardly laughed, "no." she said shaking her head
"i think going to talk to them one time will help you get the kind of closure you want alex, honey. i really do."
"i can barley go back to saltburn. it is hard enough seeing elsbeth and james. i can't do it." she finalized
her therapist decided to drop the conversation not wanting to upset alexandra, "okay, just think about it. but after our session. whenever you get home and you have a free chance, i want you to write down everything you feel towards them and why. it doesn't have to be a whole entire essay but just write whatever you are feeling."
and alexandra did just that. she was in her office writing down things on separate pieces of paper. she didn't even hear oliver come in with fresh flowers. he softly knocked on the wooden door, her eyes looking up at him. she smiled brightly while he walked over to her handing her the bouquet of lavender flowers. he stood beside her chair leaning down kissing her forehead
"thank you so much." she smiled beginning to smell them flowers, oliver looked down at the two pieces of paper that were almost fully written.
"what are you writing?" oliver asked. alexandra sighed, "my therapist um... she recommended that i go see felix and venetia's grave...." oliver raised his eyebrows hearing their names
"i told her no and she suggested that i think about it and while doing that write down how i feel about them and why." she explained
oliver nodded, "are you feeling okay doing this? it's okay if you don't want to do it." he assured her
she sighed, "i'm okay. it's better than me keeping all these emotions about them bottled up."
"do you plan on going back to saltburn?" oliver asked. alexandra shrugged, "i don't know. elsbeth and sir james always call to check up on me and ask when i am coming to visit. i might go see them soon. i can't imagine how lonely they get at that huge estate of theirs."
"lately i've just been scared." she admits to her boyfriend. "scared of what alex?"
she stayed silent for a second. "talk to me. i'm here for you always. i want to hear how you are feeling." oliver begged as she stood up letting him sit down, he motioned for her to sit on his lap
she wouldn't look into his eyes, only down at her lap. "i keep losing people. first felix... then venetia a day after.... then grant.... now emily." she breathed heavily doing her best to hold back tears
"i can't bear losing anyone else anytime soon. especially you and my aunt along with the rest of my friends and family. you guys are all i have and you mean so much to me. i would be lost if you guys died soon. and i know we all have to go someday but it is just—-" alexandra rambled but oliver quickly held her hand calming her nerves
"look at me." he pleaded. she eventually did. he caressed her hair, "you won't lose anyone else for a very long time. you can't think like that."
"what makes you so sure?" she asked like a little kid. "because i just know these next few years will be the best years of your life. you have been through a lot but still manage to be the best person ever. you are going to get your happy ending. you deserve it and i will do everything in my power to always make sure you are happy." he assured her
alex smiled, "i love you." she ran her fingers through his hair. those words sounded like magic
"i love you more." the two shared a cute little kiss then hugged each other tightly never wanting to let go
meanwhile somewhere close by..... someone close to alexandra was talking to private investigators about the one and only oliver quick.
have missed my saltburn readers so much ily all ♥️
