tw: self h@rm and depression! if ur uncomfortable with these topics I suggest u don't read it. ur safety is more important to me!
this chapter will be a bit long then my other ones
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bradley pov:
Ive been 2 months clean for a while now. I always did it here and there but I hated it. I've still been struggling so much and it's so hard, it's like I don't know why I do it but it kinda makes me have...comfort?? god I hate it. I hate it so much.
max helped me even though he doesn't even know about what I used to do. I wanna tell him, I do but every time I try and get it off my chest I feel like a person with a "loser" sign on my face. I don't want him to think that's all I am. just a guy who's so depressed he can never get out of bed most of the time. a guy who used to cut himself because he wanted to feel his dads love. a guy who doesn't know how to love properly. it's like a wave of sadness washes over me and everything just disappears. I sighed as I was in my bed not moving an inch.
I can't take it anymore. this shit is so hard that I don't know what to do. I went to the bathroom and opened a drawer where I had my blade.
⚠️ANOTHER TW IN CASE U DONT WANT TO READ!
I rolled my sleeves up and began to drag the blade across my skin. tears began to roll down my eyes. I dragged it across my arm multiple times. and that's when it hit me. I relapsed.
max pov:
after hanging out with bobby and pj, I decided to go to his dorm. we only just started dating and I have to admit im falling hard for the guy. I called him to let him know I'm going over there but he didn't answer, I got in my car and began to drive over there. it's not like him to answer. maybe something's wrong? I called three times more and still no response I started to panic slightly and began to focus on the road so I don't crash.
I finally got in his dorm and he gave me spare key and since I was panicking so much I opened the door to see if he's okay. I saw that the bathroom light was open and I heard faint cries. my heart began to sank. I hated hearing him like that.
"hey brad? can I come in princess?"
I heard him pacing to put something away. he took a while and he was still trying to put whatever he was doing away.
"babe I'm coming in" I began to open the door but I felt his body push towards the door keeping me from not coming in. "wait max! damn it hold on!" I heard him yell. that's it. "bradley open the door!" I finally opened the door and nothing could've prepared me for what I was about to see. he had cuts on his arms legs. my eyes began to tear up and I couldn't even speak. "w-w-why..? why would you do that to yourself..?" I finally managed for words to come out. he began crying and he looked down on the ground to not make eye contact.
I sighed and wiped his tears as I went into the cabinets and found a first aid kit. I started bandaging his cuts as I managed to say something else. "how..how long has this been going on?" he finally looked at me. "since I was in middle school.." my heart sank even deeper and it felt like a knife through my heart. I nodded. I finished bandaging him up and before he could even say thank you I gave him a tight hug. he hugged me back and started to cry. "it's okay...I'm here for you princess..."
bradley pov:
i just started to cry and cry on max's shoulder. just letting all my emotions out. I felt..safe in his arms. this was the first time in two months of us dating that we've really opened up to each other. I understand him and he understands me. he ended the hug and held my hand.
"brad please tell me if you ever feel like doing this again. I love you too much to see you like this"
I was shocked to hear him say he loves me. we have never said that to each other before and he immediately grew red and covered his mouth with his hands.
"I-I shit.."
"d-did you just say what I think you did..?"
"y-yeah I did. and I mean it. I love you bradley"
I smiled and kissed him gently.
"I love you too max"
he smiled back and held my hands even tighter. "promise me you'll see someone though. okay? and I know you hate going to therapists but please do it for me okay?"
"okay..I promise"
we hugged one last time and we ended up watching "white chicks" which is max's comfort movie so surprisingly I enjoyed it. we also ended up cuddling to sleep together
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this was hard to write so I hope it turned out okay😭
anyways I hope you guys are doing well!
