□So you're a swimmer?□

longings

Lotus' pov

'Does anyone have a black pen?' I heard your eager voice while my pen hastily drew the biological specimen we were supposed to copy in the biology laboratory. Without a second thought, as my heart seemed pumped up with a work to be finished, I looked behind my back to find my pouch which sat neatly closed in the corner of the table. I moved and bent forward to grab it, swiftly chained open and found the most superficial piece of black I could find. I snatched it out and offered it, even though I had heard his words in the middle- 'leave it Lotus, I got it.' When my offered out pen hung sulkily in my fingers noticing another in your hands, I was about to drop out before you acknowledged it. 'Have it back Stella, she brought it with hard labor, thank you', and with that Stephen took my fragile pen, which almost writes like a pencil, and finished carving his practical notebook to be checked. I know he's always late, I don't like helping those types, but he's Stephen for me, I would like to then. 

When I finished my drawing I moved to the other microscope under which a slide of Entamoeba histolytica was kept. When I observed the specimen, it all seemed blood to me at first; slowly it came clear to be small cylindrical cells. Cute, I thought. 

After checking each slide, I went back to my position and revised my rough notebook. And as I flipped a page, Stephen came beside me, without halting, he said thankyou which almost seemed like a whisper, close to my ears, and I did nothing but just smile out of the helping hand feeling. I like helping him. And I like smiling towards him too. 

After that I walked back to class with Hope and out of the blue, I also don't know why, I asked him if he knew someone named Adam who is a friend of Stephen and lives near Riverdale. He gave it a short-long thought before answering- 'Adam, near Riverdale? No, I don't know anyone like that.' Riverdale is the place where both me and Hope live near to, so to not make it look like I could be a stalker, I quickly asked Hope where he resided. But the places he pronounced seemed distant to my short map of my own living area. We gave up after discussing much. 

Suddenly after entering our class, I told Riah that we are having our chemistry lab today even though we were supposed to go back home, at least what we all thought. She widened her eyes at me and started shouting to Hope, my own information source, if it was true. Then we all worried about it since we hadn't brought the instruments required and were gossiping around. Dezi suggested we confront section in-charge about this. Luckily, our section in-charge was sweet enough to not scold us on barging in for this situation which can be treated as minority, but she assured that our lab was happening afterwards. Our faces were down. 

When we informed it to the class, everyone started fussing and I noticed Stephen and he seemed frustrated too. With our frowned faces we walked to the lab room after the bell. I noticed Stephen putting on the lab coat, but he took it off on the call of Hope when he started shouting everyone to take it off before the lab attendant rebukes at those who did not bring it. I had taken it into consideration last night that I will take my chemistry things with me, but forgot it soon enough. 

I felt frustrated in lab doing my experiment with Mannat who was very slow in taking things. It was better doing it with Hope. But here we are. I remember the last time this experiment happened we were supposed to pair as girls and boys, and I also remember feeling done noticing Riah and Stephen together for the thousandth time in the lab. 

I wonder if Stephen has feelings for her, and I fear the thought that if I asked him someday if he likes someone, I would surely be drunk enough to do that, and he says yes and the conversation ends with him talking about Riah's long straight black hairs, bright fair face and sweet tone and mannered voice, instead of someone who wears big heavy glasses, is excellent in studies and can be sugar for the better and poison for the bitter. Which is me. I doubt if he even knows that much about me. 

And in that same lab, I also recall the turn by turn faces of both of them looking towards me; once of Riah smiling, maybe to see if I am really jealoused or if I even noticed that she got paired with him, something I was dreading, and could smell something burning, and the next of a spare glance of Stephen for I don't know what, maybe just catching flies accidentally in my direction. 

Ah, this feeling of possessiveness is killing. I don't even want love, I just love that I like him. It's like serotonin for me but when Riah comes up in between my sweet memories, I don't seem to like it even a pinch much. 

But whatever the twists of fate maybe, I don't intend on predicting a future with Stephen. He is stretching no silver line in my beloved future life I intend on marking with my dreams. 

Nevertheless, many time I heard him calling out for Riah for help. Am I not helpful enough? Or not even visible? Once only when we happened to be at the same spot for taking our salt, he told me to open the water tap to wash, and I sulked when I was done helping him with this and not in the experiment as I imagined. 

I wish I could ask you Stephen for just a bit more than what you ask me for. You only ask me about studies or doubts or just stuff related to nothing but work. I want you to ask me about my dreams, my fetishes, or what my favorite color could be, or if you even know that we share the same birthday month. Please don't do this to me. It hurts right in this coconut flavored liking for you in my veins. I can die from a vessel blockage of coconut shreds drying up. 

Anyways, I asked our lab attendant if I could go home now that I had completed my work. They said yes and I walked out without looking back. But on the way while putting my things in, I noticed your brown-black bag and the emerald keyring. The Doctor Strange which had made me ask you once if you were Marvel fan and who was your favorite character. You replied Vision but I think you were lying to me since that day on. Not gonna lie, I did cry rivers on Vision's death, of course he was the love of my favorite Marvel character, but I doubt it till this date if it really can be someone's favorite. Or if you just said that for you knew Wanda is my favorite, and that you got to know out of reading my stars, which is something you would never do, which leads me to thinking you lied to my red face that day. Since that day on, I feel weird looking at that keychain of yours. But I still crouched down to hold it in my fingers and run one around the shielded time stone. 

Could it be that you want to stop time, since you need a lot of time, and so you bought it? Well, reality stone is my favorite then. It has been too. 

I dropped it when I felt someone can notice me spying on your belongings, or you yourself can come back from your hiding just to notice my freakiness, my twisted humor. 

I picked up my bag, and after waiting a second to see if someone was coming out when no one did, I strolled back to my scooty and went back home thinking if time stone was real, I could wait all day for you Stephen.