It feels like pieces of me come back here often. Maybe it's something I should stop running from.
The sinking feeling never left I was just distracted.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not worthy.
It feels like this is everything I ever could've wanted but I just can't accept that it's real.
There's nothing that could possibly be wrong but at the end of the day I'm still broken.
Things are sweet sometimes but the thoughts that linger in the back of my mind are just too much to bare.
They're going to be sick of me soon.
I'm scared that one day they're gonna be tired of hearing about how insecure I am.
It feels like I'm bracing myself for disappointment again.
I never let myself get to this place, this is further than I've ever been but I can't help but think what if?
There's nothing that they can say to assure me.
A piece of me died that day, and I don't think it's coming back anytime soon.
I just wish it wasn't always like this, I wish I could just be happy with what I have but I my brain doesn't work that way.
So many things in my life are uncertain right now and I just want this to be the one think I'm certain of but it's just too good to be true.
Why would someone love somebody like me?
What happens if my bad days are too much?
What happens when they finally get sick of me?
I want to find out for myself but I want to trust them.
I don't want to have to ask them to give me access to their private things because I want to be able to trust them.
Im just scared, I don't know what to do and I have nobody to turn to.
I feel like I have no control of myself, there are things I want to do and things I want to get done but I physically can't bring myself to do them.
I don't want to feel like nothing without them but I do. If it's not with them I feel like nothing and I shouldn't feel this way.
But I've never felt like anything.
I shouldn't feel like my gut is right but when I felt this way before I had something to look into.
I'm gonna do it and quell these feelings.
