Neighbors

Part 19: Julie

I knew that it would take some time but just knowing that I was getting out gave me hope, I had a chance and I had Mia. How would I break this to the girls, this was actually one of my big concerns. I don't think that Ben would ever talk to them in the same way he did me, and god knows that I would hurt him if he did. I could take it, children were different, if someone hurts your child... You would hurt them back.

Everything was ok for a couple of weeks. I just tried to stay out of the way. I did what I should, no more no less and most nights I slept in Chris' room. I was feeling better. I wanted to see Mia though, I really wanted to see her. I could probably make up some reason for going over there, maybe take the kids or something, but then again this could make him mad... Every now and again I would find myself looking at her house, I wondered if she looked at mine too.

I had never been a sexual person. I found the term asexual a while back and I thought it might be fitting. I didn't mind having sex sometimes, it was just never something I felt inclined to do. I wanted romance and storybook moments but I never craved any man like that. I never craved anybody like that. I think something changed within me when I met Mia. I wouldn't call myself a lesbian, I don't think that is what I am. I just feel different around her than anyone else. I sometimes felt tingly thinking about her, it was like she had a physical impact on me.

"Mom" Julie tugged at my sleeve. I didn't realize that I had gotten stuck just staring at the window lost in my own thoughts.

"Yeah sweety" I smiled.

"Are you going to get a divorce?" I panicked. I feel my body freeze up.

"Why do you say that love?" I didn't prepare for this. Should I tell her? Is that what people do? She is a child, this shouldn't be something she thought about.

"Mom, I am not a baby. I can see that you are sad, I hear you guys at night... He is being mean" I felt like laying down, crawling into a ball and just dying. She knew, why did she know? Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"Julie, honey... He just gets a little heated when he is stressed and I love you so much but you shouldn't have to think about that" I hugged her.

"But I do. I know things aren't supposed to be like that. I think that he is mean to you and I don't think that he should be. You are so nice to everybody, so why can't he be?" I started to feel tears form.

"You are right, you should be nice. I just think that is hard for your dad sometimes"

"Do you love him?"

"I love that he gave me this family, and I love that he is a good father" I was trying to deflect. Some might lie in this situation. I didn't. Wouldn't it just mess with her if I told her everything was ok and then a week later left her dad?

"I don't think that is a yes mom. Do you love someone else?"

"Julie, this is not really a conversation we should be having. I am the grown up, I love you so much but this is not your job"

"Do you love Mia?"

"What?"

"Do you love Mia?" I don't know if I love Mia, or I do, but I think it is way too early to tell her or my child that. "It is ok mom, you don't have to tell me. I think she makes you happy though"

"Yeah, Mia makes me happy, that is true" I took a deep breath, trying to get myself together. "Would you go and get Chris ready for bed?" She nodded and walked away. I needed Mia. I texted her 'Come over, meet me on the porch in half an hour'.

Mia met me, she looked excited but I could see her face change as she looked at me.

"What's going on?"