Taking 10: A Boys of Tommen Fanfic

f i f t e e n

Tadhg:
It's been two days and I haven't heard from Ella once, she also didn't show up for school yesterday which is very unlike her.

I have a bad feeling about this.

But there's nothing I can really do except wait around for her to answer me. I want to go to her house and bang down the door but something is telling me that not a good idea.

Everything inside me is telling me somethings wrong but I have to go with the logical answer, there's probably just something wrong with her phone and maybe she's sick and couldn't go to school.
Right?

Ella:
Ciaran hasn't been home in two days since he beat me to a pulp after bursting through my bedroom door.

He also broke my most prized possession. My iPod. The one good thing I owned, and as much as I miss that it would've been nice for my phone to have made it out of the fight before he crushed it with his shoe.

Every inch of me is bruised and battered, and that's not the only problem, there is something severely wrong with me.

I didn't even fight, or beg, or cry.
I just lay there like a human punching bag. Emotionless.

And that's how I've felt ever since. Emotionless. No remorse or devastation for what happened to me. No fear of when he'll come back.
Nothing.

He took it too far. Every inch of me is bruised. I mean I knew he was going to lose it, and it clearly wouldn't have been the first time.
But this was something else.
Worse than ever before.

I saw red in his eyes.

He finally lost it, and I don't know if he's ever going to come back.

He was drunk and high out of his mind I wouldn't be surprised if he's dead in a ditch after his bender.

Is it bad that the thought of him dead makes me sad?

Surely I should be feeling no remorse for a monster like him.

But all I've been thinking about for the past two days where I've barley left my room is memories of him playing on repeat in my head. Good memories.
Ones that make me smile and laugh, ones that make him seem good in my head.

I shouldn't be thinking like this.

I should be doing something.
I should be telling someone.
Helping myself.
I don't deserve this.
I can get help.

That's what I should be thinking.
But it's not.
This is what I mean, there's something wrong with me.
I shouldn't be staying, I should be running for the hills

It's not like I have some fear of the foster system like the lynches did, I mean it's not like Darren's horror story hasn't impacted me, but still.

I should be wanting to get out. I mean I do want to get out.
But what I want more than that is my old life back.
My mom.
I want my mom back.
And this house, that man... It's all I have left of her.
And I don't think I can let it go.
Even if it destroys me.

I shouldn't be thinking like this, but he ruined me.
I'm broken.
I feel broken.

That night when he beat me and stormed out, I didn't even bother getting up from my spot on the floor to clean the blood off of me or tend to my bruises. No. I just lay there in my blood. I didn't shed a tear just lay there in a state of shock all night long without moving a muscle in fear that I would break.

That's not fair.
I don't deserve this.
I want my mommy...
I want... I want tadhg.
I need him.
Now more than ever.
But do I do anything about it?
No...
I just sit... and stare.
Broken.