Turning Red ; Feeling Blue

Kylie's POV: only want you

It's the beginning of December, and the chill in the air matches the tingling anticipation I feel as I sit at my desk, working on writing more original music. My bedroom is my sanctuary, filled with the soft glow of fairy lights and the comforting hum of my laptop. I've got an EP lined up called "10 Minute Songs (Volume 1)," and it's going to be something special.

Six songs, all adding up to ten minutes of listening, each one heartfelt, vulnerable, and hopefully relatable and resentful for fans. Right now, I'm scribbling down ideas for a track called "Head in the Clouds," and I can't help but think of Malia, but I must hide that it's about her from my fans.

Malia is the story behind the lyrics, the muse that has my heart in a whirlwind. As I jot down lyric ideas, memories of the fun times we had together suddenly flood my mind. I remember the days on set, her laughter echoing through the corridors, and the nights we spent exploring Atlanta City with our friends, or just the two of us. Those moments were pure magic, and they left an indelible mark on my heart.

This month, I will cover Ariana Grande's iconic holiday single, "Santa Tell Me". I'm thrilled for the music video as some of my close cast mates and some other friends will deck the halls with me, Malia included. But right now, I will focus on my EP first.

A new line of lyrics comes to mind for the next verse, and I quickly write it down.

Even all my friends 

they're all noticing 

I'm walking on air 

with you boy

I smile, remembering how our closest cast mates eventually figured out what was going on between us. It was impossible to hide the way we looked at each other, the secret smiles and stolen glances. They all noticed, and it made my feelings for Malia even more undeniable. 

I can't bear to just be friends, besties. I love Malia so much more. The thought of her consumes me, and I can't help but reminisce about the Spotify playlist we created together on set, called "Red and Bluey." We just had to include Rita Ora and Brandy on it, especially since we got to act alongside such iconic stars. Rita's song "Only Want You" comes to mind and a rush of emotion comes over me. The lyrics resonate deeply, mirroring my own feelings. I want Malia. Only Malia.

I close my eyes and envision her face. Her smile, so radiant and genuine, lights up my world. Her laugh, a melody that I never tire of hearing, fills my heart with warmth. She's an angel, and I realize once again how much I need her in my life. No, I want her in my life. She's a privilege and the thought of losing her or not being able to express my true feelings is intolerable.

With a deep breath, I pick up my pen and let the emotions flow onto the paper. The words come easily now, each line capturing the depth of my love for Malia. This song, "Head in the Clouds," is more than just a track on my EP; it's a piece of my heart, a testament to the love I feel for her. As I write, I know that this music will reach her, and maybe, just maybe, she'll understand how much she means to me.

The song is coming together beautifully, and I can feel the emotion in every chord and lyric. I imagine performing it live, the audience feeling the same connection and passion that I feel for Malia. This EP is not just a collection of songs; it's a journey through my emotions, my highs and lows, my hopes and dreams. Malia and just falling in general are the inspirations behind my creativity.

As I continue to write, thoughts about the future pop. What will happen when she hears this song? Will she realize how much I have always cared for her? Will she feel the same way? The uncertainty is daunting, but the possibility of her understanding my feelings keeps me going. At the same time, the moment we shared at Piedmont Park back in March, when she said that we should keep it friendly and professional, makes my heart ache. 

Tears start to dwell as I speak my thoughts out loud. "I only want you, Malia. Why don't you want me the same? What's holding you back?" This music is my way of reaching out, of telling her everything I can't say in words. My heart laid bare, my love transformed into melody and verse. 

I finish the last line of the song and lean back in my chair, feeling a sense of accomplishment. "Head in the Clouds" is complete, and it's everything I hoped it would be. It's a reflection of my soul, a tribute to the love I feel for Malia. Now, all that's left is to share it with the world when the time comes and hope that it touches her heart as deeply as she has touched mine.