Turning Red ; Feeling Blue

Malia's POV: let you love me?

I lay on the hotel bed, the silk pajamas caressing my skin, ready to call it a night and just wind down. The day had been nothing short of magical. Whistler, British Columbia, had proven itself to be the perfect winter wonderland escape. The best way to kickstart 2024. Along with my good friend Momona, who was in her room now, we had started the day skiing down the pristine slopes, the cold air exhilarating as it whipped past us. The laughter and joy of speeding down the mountain, the snow crunching beneath our skis, was a feeling I will cherish forever.

Afterward, we found a cozy cafe with a warm fire, where we sipped on hot cocoa and let the warmth seep into our bones. The rich, creamy taste of the cocoa was the perfect antidote to the chilly weather outside. The Audain Art Museum had been fascinating, a treasure trove of art and culture that left us both in awe. We marveled at the intricate details of the indigenous art, the vibrant colors, and the stories each piece told. It is a reminder of the rich history and culture that surrounds us.

Dinner at Stonesedge Kitchen had been the perfect end to the day, the ambient atmosphere wrapping us in a cocoon of comfort and contentment. The food was exquisite, each bite a burst of flavor that danced on our taste buds. We shared stories and laughter, the bond between us growing stronger with each passing moment.

Now, lying in bed, I find myself playing the Spotify playlist that Kylie and I had made together all those months ago. As the beginning melody of "Let You Love Me" by Rita Ora, who was a delight to act with, filled the room, my mind is immediately transported back to Kylie. Her smile, her laugh, the way she made everyone around her feel special and loved. Memories of our time on set with our castmates and the private moments we shared swarm my mind.

I remember that shared moment in Piedmont Park, where everything felt so perfect and yet so terrifying. I had practically friend-zoned Kylie, scared to fall, scared of the intensity of my feelings. My heart burns as the second verse plays, the lyrics sinking in and resonating with my deepest fears and desires.

And every time it gets too real

And every time I feel, I sabotage it

I start running again, yeah

And every time I push away

I really wanna say that I'm sorry

But I say nothing

Tears start to fall inaudibly, and soon I am crying, overwhelmed by mixed emotions.

Never had anyone made me feel the way Kylie did. She is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I care about her so much. But the lingering fear of giving my full self completely, of getting hurt, had held me back. When it felt too real, I couldn't handle it. The tears flow freely now, each drop a manifestation of the love, fear, and regret that currently building inside me. During those three months, Kylie had made me feel alive in a way no one else ever had, and now, lying in this hotel bed, I realize just how much I have been holding back.

As I lay here, the memories of Kylie and the emotions they stir within me are overwhelming. I think about the countless times we had shared laughter, how in sync we were with our movie characters and the moments of silence that spoke volumes. She had a way of making me feel seen, understood, and cherished. The connection we had was something rare and precious. I long for her presence, her touch, and her voice.

The song continues to play, each note a reminder of what we had and what I had been too afraid to fully embrace. I know that I have to confront my fears, to open up my heart, and let Kylie in completely. The thought of losing her, of never experiencing the depth of love we could share, is too painful to bear.

I whisper into the night. "What if I Iet you love me, Kylie? Allow you in."

I make a silent promise to myself that I will reach out to her or better, see her, to let her know how much she means to me and how deeply I care for her. When the right moment comes.

With these thoughts swirling in my mind, I drift off to sleep, the music still playing softly in the background. The tears had dried, but the emotions remained, a constant reminder of the love that I had been too scared to fully embrace. As I close my eyes, I hold onto the hope that it's not too late, that I can still make things right and show Kylie the depth of my feelings.