Siobhan had never truly thought of herself as above anybody else. It had always appeared as if that was the case but it could not be further from the truth. In fact, she was jealous of all those around her and their superiority. Jealous of their positions in power, their ability to stand up for themselves and most of all she had been jealous of their ability to love and be loved.
She always thought love was something from a fairytale, something that only really existed in tv and media. It had never occurred to her that someone could love someone so dearly that they could not live without them. Love to her had forever been a fantasy, a dream that she only wished would come true.
After meeting Roger she thought she had finally understood the meaning of love. He would shower her with compliments and litter her person with gifts. Each week he would return from business trips with a brand new new piece of jewellery for her, or a beautiful dress that hugged her figure in all the correct ways. She adored the way he treated her, she had never been treated like this before. Her family had constantly belittled her as a child and all through her life until she cut contact completely. Never did she get to experience the care that most children had, it was as if she was invisible to them. That was until she disobeyed them or simply existed at an inconvenient time for them, then she wished she could be invisible again. Her mother and father would tell her that it was tough love and that she would understand one day, yet to this day she still did not understand.
It wasn't until three months later that Roger had decided that she wasn't worthy of that love that she once cherished so dearly. It was if something snapped in him one day, something that made him hate her, something that made him want to hurt her. Every night he would tell her he loved her after hurting her and insulting her for hours on end. Was it true that tough love was the only true love? It was foolish of her to ever believe that the love she saw in films and tv could ever become a reality. She mentally punished herself for ever believing in something so stupid.
Every night in which she lied in bed next to her partner, a part of her wished they had never crossed paths. She felt selfish and ungrateful for ever thinking bad of him after everything he had done for her but she so dearly wanted to experience true love if there was even a slight possibility that it was real. He would never be capable of providing that for her.
Constantly it had been sewn into her brain for her to find a rich man to provide with her, looks or personality didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was the material objects, money and gifts. Roger had given that to her. So why did she still feel so empty? Why hadn't the presents and the big house filled the hole that was left in her heart?
Was this the price she had to pay for a life of "luxury" as others would say? The bruises that covered her body, in all the places that could be easily hidden from the public eye. The ever growing bags under her eyes which drained her face of all life, from the restless nights of tossing in turning, in an attempt to lay somewhere where she wasn't in pain. The slight limp when she walked from one of the nights where Roger had taken his punishment too far after she had arrived home late one night. Was it all worth it?
She would never admit out loud her desperation to be loved, hell she wouldn't even admit it to herself. But those odd nights where she found no escape in her dreams, she thought of what it is like to be loved, and how dearly wished someone would sweep her off of her feet, tuck her hair behind her ear as she slept, kiss her lips with passion and care.
That night Roger had been particularly furious about the nursery takeover in which he had discovered the plans for. His own children wanted so desperately to rid him out of their lives, how hadn't she seen the warning signs? He had confessed that he believed Siobhan was involved in the plans to take his business from him when she in fact had not a clue what he was speaking about. She begged and pleaded with him to believe her, to look deep into her eyes and see that she was telling the truth but he was too far gone. His anger had bubbled too high as he drew his hand up and proceeded to connect it to her face. Her cheek burned as she felt a bruise begin to form, a singular tear pouring down her face. She had learned not to cry in these moments, it only angered the man before here been further. He found joy in her agony, watching as she squirmed away, shaking under his grasp. It made him feel like a man, it made him feel powerful and in control of something in his life.
He had lost control of his children, his puppet, his business, but the one thing that he had control over was Siobhan. He would not let anyone get in the way of that.
After his outburst he completely dismissed her, kicking her in the side as he walked past.
"Get up you look fucking pathetic. I'm not with you for your winning personality Siobhan." she knew exactly what he had meant by that. She had always been used for her looks even as a young girl, her face had been the moneymaker of the household for years. Always told that 'men love a pretty face'. She had taken pride in her appearance her whole life, but it was never for herself, always for those around her. If she gave up on being pretty she wouldn't know how to be alive. It was all she was created for, all she was put on this earth for. To be eye candy to all the men in her life, to be used, never to be loved.
That next morning, thankfully, she had a meeting with a parent at work. Although she typically hated interacting with the parents at this nursery, this particular woman had captured her heart. She didn't truly understand the affection that she hell for the woman, but she felt safe in her presence as if she could fall at any moment and she would catch her. Vivian. Her name brought butterflies swirling around in her stomach, fluttering aggressively as she pictured her smile. It felt wrong to feel this way, she shouldn't feel such affection for a woman.
But why did something so wrong feel so right.
Why did such a sinful action make her heart pound in such a way? She didn't want to be a sinner, she would never commit such an atrocity.
As she got herself ready in utter silence, as to not wake the sleeping beast that lied in their bed, she thought of Vivian. The way she towered over her small figure but with such grace and the way her short black hair fell so perfectly on her shoulders. Curving around the edges of her face so beautifully as if flowed ever so softly in the summer breeze. It brought her a comfort knowing that she would see her today after the events of the previous night.
Frequently the pair had meetings, simply where they would catch up and talk about what had been going on in their lives, like... friends? Mostly it would be Vivian sharing stories about her time at the hospital, stories about her son and their move to this new town. She simply sat and listened intently, taking in every single word that she said. Not often did she talk about herself and Viv knew not to push her and to let her talk whenever she was ready. It was clear to her what was going on with Roger, she had experienced it first hand with her ex wife. She recalled the isolation and the longing for somebody to notice her, to see her and offer her a shoulder to cry on.
She would be Siobhan's rock for however long she needed, no matter what.
Siobhan piled on the makeup that morning in an attempt to hide the bruise that adorned her eye. She had become a master at covering the injuries that Roger left her with. After she had finally covered up any sight of what had happened that previous night, she grabbed her purse and drove to the nursery.
Music had always been a comfort to the blonde, she always took the scenic route to the nursery so that she could listen to music to drown out her thoughts. It brought her a brief moment of peace and she looked forward to it each time. Often she would listen to Mazzy Star, she found comfort in the calm melody. It made her feel as though she could breathe, as if she could let go for a moment.
Moments after she had arrived at the nursery she spotted Vivian's car already parked in her usual space in which she parked to annoy the neighbour in which had drenched her son. She admired her determination and stubbornness at times.
Fixing her hair in the mirror of her car, she stepped out of her brand new rolls royce that Roger had provided for her in order to keep up appearances. Her black heels clicked against the concrete as she made her way over to Vivian, who stood leant against the wall of the car park, her arms crossed over her chest. A grin grew on her face as she spotted the blonde.
"Hello Vivian" she couldn't fight the smile that threatened her cheeks.
"Hello Siobhan" the sound of her voice instantly calmed the blonde, she felt safe.
