Ethereal: Eternal Echoes

14

Smriti

It's surreal how, after all these years, the echoes of the past can still reverberate so powerfully within me. As I sit here alone in the quiet of my home, the weight of what happened earlier today presses down upon me like a thousand-pound burden. My parents, beaming with happiness, went to the temple to offer their gratitude for what they believe is the culmination of their hopes for me. Hriday has gone back to his hospital. I am left in the hollow stillness of our house, with only the soft rustling of the curtains and the distant hum of the city breaking the silence.

The soft glow of the lamps casts gentle shadows on the walls, but it is the soft light of the Kanha idol in our home temple that draws me. I find myself drawn to it as if it were a beacon in a stormy sea, offering guidance amidst the tumultuous waves of my emotions. The small shrine, adorned with delicate flowers and the scent of incense, is my sanctuary, the place where I have always sought solace. I sit down in front of it, my knees pressing against the cool marble floor. The idol, with its serene expression, seems to watch over me with an unspoken understanding.

As I begin to speak, my voice is choked with tears. "Kanha," I whisper, "why has my life turned out this way? Why do I have to face this moment, where everything I thought I wanted is now intertwined with so much pain?" My sobs are quiet but insistent, each one a reminder of the hope that has been dashed and the wounds that still throb beneath the surface.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "I wanted so badly for things to be different. I wanted Ishan to love me, to be with me. And now, when the possibility of that is within reach, all I feel is fear. Fear of losing myself again, like I did so many years ago." The words tumble out of me in a tangled mess of emotions and regrets. "When we were young, I lost myself in the intensity of my feelings for him. I gave everything, and he took it all, only to leave me shattered."

The memories flood back with painful clarity. I can still see the way he looked at me then-how his eyes, once so full of promise, had turned cold and distant. I remember the hurt that settled into my heart like an uninvited guest, a constant companion during those months of betrayal. My love for Ishan was pure, but it was also naïve. I thought that if I loved him enough, he would love me back in the same way. But he didn't, and that realization almost destroyed me.

Now, facing the prospect of marrying him again, I am torn between the echoes of my past and the hopes for my future. "Why now, Kanha?" I ask, my voice trembling. "Why did you bring him back into my life, only to make me relive the pain? Are you testing me? Am I to be punished for my love and my faith?"

The idol remains silent, a calm presence amidst my turmoil. I clutch the edge of the marble altar, seeking comfort from its solidity. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to face this. I don't know if I can go through with it. The thought of being with Ishan again fills me with dread. I'm scared that I'll lose myself again, that I'll become that girl who couldn't smile hppily, who lost her identity in someone else's love."

As I speak, I feel a pang of guilt. I've always been the strong one, the one who managed to pull through despite everything. I built my life, my career, my identity from the ground up. But here, now, I feel utterly helpless. "What if I'm making a mistake? What if this is just a way for me to give up on myself again? I've worked so hard to rebuild, to become who I am today. I can't let the past undo all of that. Was I never supposed to feel true love?"

I think about Ishan's face, the pain in his eyes, the guilt that seemed to shadow him when we met earlier. There's a part of me that wants to believe that he has changed, that he truly regrets the past and wants to make amends. But there's also a part of me that fears he's still the same person who hurt me so deeply. "I want to believe that people can change, that they can grow and learn from their mistakes. But I don't know if I can trust him again. How can I be sure that he won't hurt me again? And that also after he clearly said that he does not even believe in love!"

The silence of the temple is filled with the echoes of my doubt and confusion. I close my eyes, trying to find some semblance of peace. "Kanha, please guide me. I need to know what the right path is. Should I follow my heart, or should I listen to the fears that have kept me guarded all these years?"

The soft light from the idol seems to grow warmer, and for a moment, I feel a gentle sense of reassurance. "Maybe I'm not meant to have all the answers right now. Maybe I need to trust that whatever happens, I will find a way to be okay." I pause, taking a deep breath, trying to gather my scattered thoughts.

"My parents are so happy, so full of hope for the future. They want this for me, and I can't ignore that. But I also can't ignore my own feelings, my own fears. I need to find a balance between honoring their wishes and staying true to myself."

I let my tears fall freely, feeling them soak into the marble floor. "It's so hard to let go of the past, especially when it's tied to someone you once loved so deeply. I want to believe that this could be a new beginning, but I'm afraid of the pain it might bring."

In the quiet of the temple, I find a small flicker of clarity. "Maybe this is a chance for me to finally heal, to confront the pain and move beyond it. Maybe it's not about whether Ishan deserves a second chance, but whether I am ready to face the past and embrace the future."

I sit there for what feels like hours, lost in my thoughts and emotions. The soft glow of the idol is comforting, a reminder of the divine presence that has always been with me, even in my darkest moments. "I will take this step, not because I have to, but because I choose to. I choose to face my fears, to trust in the possibility of change and growth. I choose to honor my parents' wishes while staying true to myself."

With a deep breath, I rise from the floor, feeling a small sense of resolution settle within me. The journey ahead will be challenging, and the path will be fraught with uncertainties. But for now, I will hold onto the hope that this is not the end but a new beginning. I will face whatever comes with courage and faith, trusting that I am guided and protected by the divine presence I have always turned to for strength.

As I leave the temple, I feel a sense of calm washing over me. I am not the same person I was years ago. I have grown, I have learned, and I am ready to face whatever the future holds, no matter how uncertain it may be. The past is a part of me, but it does not define me. The future is a canvas, waiting to be painted with the colors of my choices and dreams.

And with that, I step forward, ready to embrace whatever comes next with hope, strength, and a renewed sense of purpose.

***

author: "True strength is found in the moment you dare to confront your past and trust in the promise of a new dawn."

Sabke saamne smile karti hai, Ishan ko dhamka ke aa gayi and ab apne Kanha ke saamne fut fut kar rone lagi!!
It shows ki kabhi kisi ki smile dekh ke usse khush nahi kaha ja sakta. We don't know what shit they may be going through.

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So, I take a leave here. Next chapter posting very soon// Byeeeii

Aapki pyaari author
Mishwaaa":)