Reverie

06 - wide awake

G I U L I A

Have you ever thought what it would be like kill yourself? 

Fortunately I haven't. At least not until now. 

And you know what, I might just give in if Maddi's keeps talking her head off about how things are so much better there without me. Well, she didn't say those exact words but I can tell it's true by the way she said 'it seems like me and Tyler finally have a chance now, he just asked me out!'

Hm I wonder why.

I mean I'm happy for her and everything but this hoe's been nonstop talking about him for 5 million hours! 

Ok, 30 minutes but still. Get a grip omg. "Anyway enough talk about me, how are you babes?!" Maddi squealed through the phone. Finally "Well, today was pretty tough—" I started.

"Wait! Tyler's calling me, I promise I'll call you back after. Miss you!" She cut me off before hanging up the phone. Sighing, I put my phone on the nightstand, laying my head on the fluffy, soft pillow. 

Maddi's always been a sucker for attention, seeking it from anyone with a beating pulse and a high popularity status. With her bright blue eyes and dirty blond hair, it's like every boy's obsessed with her; just how she likes it. 

But I never judged her for that. Not even when the boy I liked asked her out....right in front of me. 

I went up to my new room 3 hours ago after finishing dinner. Well, more like Rafael ordered me to go up and rest since 'we have much to talk about tomorrow' in his words. Dinner was... something. 

Once in a while, I kept feeling pairs of eyes on me even while everyone was conversating. I truly felt like a sheep in the wolf's den. Occasionally Marco and Luca would make slight conversation with me, asking me about my interests and such. About California, school, my friends. I appreciate their effort but I still felt so uncomfortable. Not in their presence exactly, but about everything. 

I've been calling my friends and James in the meantime. Is it wrong of me to be sad that everyone's been fine since I left? Does that make me selfish?—That I want them to be sad and miss me? 

Maybe. 

Trying to put my mind at ease, I try to fall asleep. Tossing and turning in the sheets I huff, exasperated. I want water. 

Pushing the heavy comforter off to the side, I get up and make my way out of the room. I'm praying that everyone's asleep; I really don't feel like facing Rafael again.