Reverie

05 - I missed you

G I U L I A

Has the ocean always been this peaceful? Or was it just Santa Monica that was crowded.

Standing in the balcony, leaning against the railings, I felt at peace. Almost like I was on that beach. The house wasn't on the waterfront yet the sight from here looked ethereal. The waves crashed against each other while the rhythmic dancing on the shore calmed my frayed nerves. 

Even though I loved my room, I left it to go explore a bit. I had absolutely no idea where I was going but I hoped to find something to ease my mind for a bit.

But it was hard to distract myself up here, no matter how hard I tried. My thoughts keep drifting to memories of my mother and each time I think about her, I feel pangs of sadness tugging at me.

A sad smile appeared on my face when I thought about the random times where she would take me out of school for the day. We spent time together just as a mother and her daughter.

We shopped, dined, laughed, and talked. Sometimes I knew that she tried to make up for her usual neglect on those days. Like an apology without a real apology. 

It was nice to forgot for a while though. To forget all of our problems; the arguments between us.

That was one of her redeeming qualities. She always knew how to make me forget and forgive her. I internally scoffed.

Regardless, I still felt normal at those times. I didn't feel like the girl that was always worrying about her mom accidentally taking one too many pills. I didn't feel like the girl that had to put up with her absence for days until she showed up after a few nights, claiming that she had stayed with a friend. When in reality, she was out there doing whatever she could that gave her a good buzz.

I sighed, burying my head in my hands. I remember that all I wanted during that time was to understand her. I wanted to understand her actions, to try to justify them. But I never could envision her perspective and find a reasonable explanation for what she did.

What she chose to do.

I wrapped my arms around myself, seeking comfort in the light evening breeze. Of all things my mom had lied to me about, this definitely had to be the worst. Keeping my other siblings away from me for 15 years? What was going through her unhinged head? 

Now I'm stuck in a an unfamiliar house with unfamiliar faces. It seemed unreal, like a deranged plot twist.

I have already decided to be cautious around them. To keep my guard up and keep to myself, It's just easier like that.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Startled by the sudden voice behind me, I turn my head to see a tall and tanned boy standing. The light breeze tousling his hair. "What?" I asked.

"The view. It's pretty stunning, don't you think?" He smiled at me, making his vibrant green eyes stand out from his strong features. A stark contrast from Rafael's menacing eyes to his. I hadn't heard his footsteps coming and his sudden appearance made my heart skip a beat.