Christopher Maurice Brown Twenty-Four Los Angeles, CA ----- September 15th, 2012
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"Put some clothes on so we can go." Aaliyah told me as she wobbled to the car.
——
As we drove to the doctor's office, I kept sneaking glances at Liyah, watching how she absentmindedly rubbed her small baby bump.
It was small, but it was there—a little reminder that soon, we'd have a kid running around. Even though we were heading to the doctor's office, which had been stressing her out, it felt good just to talk and be normal for a bit.
"Look at you," I said, feeling a grin spread across my face. "That little bump is finally showing."
Aaliyah laughed, placing her hand over mine. "It's tiny, but yeah, it's there."
I kept my hand on her belly, feeling that connection between us. "It's cute as hell, though. Our little one's already making a statement."
She rolled her eyes playfully, but I could be see she was trying to push down her worries. The past couple of weeks had been rough on both of us—missing doctor's appointments, trying to keep her calm after the miscarriage scare. I knew she was anxious, but I tried to keep things light, not wanting her to stress any more than she already was.
As we talked about baby names and how our lives were gonna change, it felt like things were finally back normal again.
I wanted to keep it that way, but the closer we got to the doctor's office, the more I could feel her anxiety creeping back in.
Hell, I felt it too.
We'd missed two appointments, and it was eating me up inside that we might've missed something important.
When we finally parked, I turned to her and said, "We got this, Li. We're just gonna go in, see what's up, and handle it. No biggie."
She nodded, but I could see the doubt in her eyes. I squeezed her hand.
Inside, the place felt cold and sterile, the usual waiting room vibe doing nothing to ease the nerves.
I held onto her hand a little tighter, not letting go until the nurse finally called us back. The whole time, Aaliyah stayed quiet, but I knew her mind was racing. I could see it in the way she kept rubbing her bump, like she was trying to reassure herself that everything was okay.
When Dr. Phillips walked in, I tried to read her expression, but she didn't give much away. "It's good to see you both," she started, her tone warm but serious. "I know it's been a little while since our last appointment."
"Yeah," I said, nodding. "We've been laying low after that scare."
She nodded like she understood, but then she looked at Aaliyah, and I knew something was off. "Aaliyah, I've been reviewing your recent tests and monitoring your stress levels, and I'm concerned. Your stress has been rising significantly, and it's starting to affect the baby's blood flow."
My stomach dropped. I glanced over at Aaliyah, who looked like she was barely holding it together. "What does that mean? Is the baby okay?" she asked, her voice trembling.
"The baby is still stable," Dr. Phillips said, but she didn't look as confident as I wanted her to. "But the decline in blood flow is something we need to take very seriously. If things don't improve soon, there's a risk of stillbirth or a miscarriage."
It felt like someone punched me in the gut. I was supposed to keep Aaliyah stress-free, and now this? I clenched my jaw, trying to stay calm for her sake, but inside, I was freaking out. I didn't want her to see that, though.
"Doc, what can we do?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. "We've been trying everythang'."
"Aaliyah, your body is doing everything it can to support the pregnancy," Dr. Phillips continued, "but we need to help it out. I'm going to prescribe some medication to help manage your blood pressure, and we'll schedule regular check-ups to keep a close eye on things. But most importantly, we need to focus on reducing your stress as much as possible."
Aaliyah nodded, but I could see her trying not to cry. I just wanted to fix it all for her, to take away the fear and guilt I knew she was feeling. But I couldn't. All I could do was be there for her.
"Okay, thanks, Doc. We'll do what you said," I replied, my voice a little more gruff than I intended. I hated feeling so helpless.
When we left the office, the silence between us was thick with everything unsaid. Aaliyah looked like she was barely holding on, and I didn't know how to make it better. I reached over and took her hand, bringing it to my lips. "It's okay Ma." I said softly. "One day at a time, Li."
She squeezed my hand, but her eyes were still clouded with worry. "I'm just so scared, Chris," she whispered. "I don't know if I can do this. If I'm not a good mom right now, how can I be a good mom then?"
Her voice cracked, and it nearly broke me. I pulled her close, resting my chin on her head as I whispered, "Nothing's gonna happen to our baby, Li. We're gonna do everything the doctor says, and we're gonna take care of you and the little one. You're doing the best you can."
She looked up at me, tears still streaming down her face. "I love you," she said, her voice barely audible.
"I love you too, Li. And I'm gonna do whatever it takes to keep you and our baby safe."
The rest of the drive home was quiet. I could feel the weight of everything pressing down on us, but I refused to let it break us. As soon as we got home, I helped Aaliyah out of her shoes and kissed her forehead. "Why don't you go lie down for a bit? I'll make us something to eat."
She nodded, looking exhausted. "Okay. Thanks, Chris."
"I love you, Li. Remember that."
She gave me a small, sad smile before heading upstairs. I watched her go, feeling the ache in my chest grow stronger. I wanted so badly to make everything okay for her, but I knew there was only so much I could do.
After making something quick to eat, I headed upstairs, hoping that Aaliyah was resting. When I walked into our bedroom, I found her lying on the bed, curled up under the covers. Her face was stained with tears, and my heart broke all over again.
I walked over and gently pulled the covers back, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "Li," I whispered, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "You okay?"
She stirred slightly, her eyes fluttering open. The sadness in them nearly did me in. "I'm sorry," she whispered, more tears spilling over.
"Don't be sorry, baby," I said, pulling her into my arms. "You're allowed to cry. I'm here for you."
She buried her face in my chest, her sobs shaking her whole body. I held her close, feeling the weight of her emotions wash over me. All I could do was be there for her, holding her as she cried, letting her know that she wasn't alone in this.
When her sobs finally started to quiet down, I kissed the top of her head.
