The disease of lies [Hachiman x Yukino]

Chapter 4 : Pained Hearts

"Do you really plan to hide such a thing from Yukinoshita and Yuigahama?" Hiratsuka-sensei's tone got harsher as she spoke.

She didn't even smoke her cigarette, her fingers had already broken it.

"You're going to tell them?" I asked.

"I'd like to, but I'm not the one supposed to reveal it. You are their friend, not me. I'm here to guide you, not to force you do things because I think they're the right things to do."

"It's not necessary to tell them, because everything's gonna be alright. There is no point in worrying about me."

She sighed loudly, a vein popping on her.

"Sometime I feel like I wanna slap you for saying such things... 'There is no point in worrying about me'. Can you hear yourself, Hikigaya?" She shouted.

I was scolded by her.

It wasn't because of my grades or my way of thinking. It was for how I was treating myself. I can't blame her for reacting like this, especially after she's learned about the truth.

"How much longer?"

"What?"

"How much longer do you think you'll manage to hide it from your friends?"

I closed my eyes a few seconds.

How much longer? I have no idea. As long as necessary, I guess. But she already expects me to say something like that.

"I... I won't have to."

"They will learn about it sooner or later, Hikigaya. This is unavoidable." She stared into my eyes, her gaze serious and strong.

I cleared my throat and answered.

"Trust me. I know better how I am doing than anyone else."

She grabbed another cigarette and lit it.

"Go, your friends are waiting." She said, smoking.

"Okay... See you later."

I walked to the door and opened it.

Before I could leave, Hiratsuka-sensei spoke up one last time.

"You keep drowning yourself in your own lies." She continued, her voice low and filled with a deep disappointment. "You're getting further and further away from the genuine thing you've always wanted. If you go on, the day will come when you will reach a point of no return... And you'll have hurt the people who cared about you so much... That I wonder if their tears will be from sadness, pain or anger."

She shruggred. "Who knows, maybe it'll be all three at the same time. You must realize how much you're cared for by others, Hikigaya."

Her words echoed in my mind and got stuck into it.

I didn't want to believe them. I didn't want to see the truth in them. If I had stayed alone, I wouldn't have to worry about all of this.

Now I have people close to me I can hurt.

I stepped out of the room, closing the door behind me.

In order to prevent those close to you from being hurt, the most effective solution is to remove the source of the pain.

In this case, that source is me. I know that my presence will cause them worry and tears. I'm aware that I will become a painful memory in their minds.

It's my heartfelt desire to erase myself from the situation, to spare everyone the pain I know my actions would cause. Unfortunately, it's not something I can easily do.