The disease of lies [Hachiman x Yukino]

Chapter 9 : Genuine will

The silence in the empty room was heavy and oppressive. I sat slumped on my hospital bed, staring down at my lap. The only sound was the steady droning of the machines monitoring my vitals.

My parents will arrive sooner or later, so I'll probably stay here and do nothing while I wait for them.

You might wonder where is Isshiki. She had to leave when she was resuming me what had happened when I was unconscious.

When I woke up and met her, she was in hospital with her parents. She hadn't expected me to wake up this morning, but she stayed to talk to me for a while. Of course, her parents called her soon after, so she couldn't stay with me for too long.

But she said enough to give me a global understanding of what had happened.

How they were told about my actual condition, how went Hanoru's birthday and Yukinoshita and Yuigahama's states from her perspective.

How shall I resume it?

Let's get straight to the point. Was the request a success?

The answer is : No.

What went wrong? He liked the cake sure, he spent a good time with them but, it seems that wasn't enough.

The real problem was that none of them was in the mood to celebrate something. Especially after what they've learnt about. They tried to look happy, to make sure the atmosphere wasn't awkward, but they just couldn't.

Isshiki told me that Yukinoshita had left in the middle of the party. She couldn't bear the sight of a man who was in a similar condition to me. Every time she looked her eyes on him, all she saw was me, a version of me near my death time, all cold and thin.

When Yukinoshita left, the atmosphere of the group quickly deteriorated. Yuigahama was no longer able to put on a forced smile, and soon followed Yukinoshita out of the room.

Isshiki was left alone with her grandfather. That was at this moment that she offered her gift to him.

What she had been preparing for an entire week was an album picture. A compilation of memories of the so-called childhood she had with him. To make him know how happy he had made her.

I was told that he was touched by it, but she herself didn't know how much or if it were enough.

Besides, there was one thing she told me that was still stuck in my mind. One of her last sentences before she leaves the room.

"Yukino-senpai changed."

I felt tight inside my chest as those words left her lips.

For one of the rare times in my life, I felt like hating myself.

The Yukinoshita I've always known, so beautiful, so pure, who never told a lie and despised it like a warrior despising their nemesis. I think I used to admire her, this part of her who knew no weakness to my eyes.

I realized that setting such high expectations on her was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. The worst part wasn't just the act of placing expectations on this person, it was the fact that I allowed myself to become overly invested in those expectations.

Actually, she had a weakness.

And I cowardly took advantage of it for pathetic reasons. All this time, I kept sinking the knife deeper and deeper until I totally broke her. If I had kept going, I would have left her alone and completely shattered.

I asked for something genuine, without realizing that it was right in front of my eyes. The more time passed, the more I was pushing it away from me out of fear that I hurt it.