"You've been sleeping for too long," Chiyo says, her voice floating above my body. "The doctor is saying that the longer you stay like this, the harder it'll be for you to come back."
Would that be such a terrible thing? I could live like this for years, hooked up to tubes and machines until my family lost hope in sustaining me. It would be no different from being a hikikomori, except maybe I had more societal approval as a vegetable. Everyone would abandon me over time, moving on with their lives. If my mother and Mr. Watanabe felt especially lonely, they could always get busy and make another child. Airi would have another sibling. Even Chiyo who visits me every day would find a new friend to occupy herself with.
"I miss you," she continues. "And if you think I'll replace you, you must be stupid. I refuse to go on without you. You need to wake up so we can graduate from St. Catherine's together."
More words come out of her mouth, but the rest is washed away by brain fog. I can picture her clearly sitting next to my bed. Her hair is styled in perfect chestnut waves, resting over the green blazer of the school uniform. She stares at me with her hazel eyes, irises shining just as brightly as her cherry earrings. I envision her with a matching cherry necklace. In my head, I pluck the cherry from the chain and eat it, pit and all. Rubies have never tasted so sweet.
That was the thing about living in my head. The impossible was probable. I subsisted on the milk of my imagination.
I try to fool myself and create a world more compelling than reality. But despite all my efforts, my illusions are flimsy. Take, for example, my attempts to make another version of you.
I can't seem to get the details right. Once upon a time, I would've had the blue of your eyes and the gold of your hair memorized. When you looked at me, did I see the sky or a cluster of sapphires? Did I use to tuck honeyed locks behind your ears or strands of strawberry blonde? A photo would have helped me tell the difference.
Because of my uncertain memory, you've transformed into a changeling. I think of you like the sun. Sometimes you're the pale dawn with cloudy blue-gray eyes and a crown of platinum blonde, Airi's pretty ivory sister in an alternate life. Other times you're the sunset with indigo irises a step away from night and a halo of burning gold. Rarely are you noon, with a gaze so blue that you're the envy of the clearest skies and hair so bright that I go blind looking at you.
You snap into focus when you're noon, sharp and radiant as a fresh-cut diamond. This is the version of you I forgot. This was the girl I used to love, wrapped in sun-kissed skin and midnight dreams.
But you're dead. Not even the sweetest fantasies can change that. Whether we walk through the woods or swim in a pond, you end up in my arms cold and lifeless.
When stars die, they explode into a supernova. They shine just as brightly in death if not even more so, sending shockwaves through a galaxy. When you disappeared, some part of me knew you weren't coming back. My world was disrupted, my distress manifesting in a broken mind that could only be soothed by hypnosis.
What remains of your memory is a black hole. I'm sucked into the vortex desperately trying to reverse the natural course of things. I refuse to forget you, but already you are out of reach and lost to the cosmos.
I should wake up. I can't live here forever. It's lonely being the only worshiper at your altar. Your grave is out there, waiting for my flowers.
"Stay with me," you say, appearing by my side. "I told you that I would never leave you by yourself."
And there you were, exactly as I remembered you the day that you confessed your love for me. Every freckle on your face was arranged in my favorite constellation. You shimmer with every movement, sparkling like you were made of glitter. My breath catches in my throat.

YOU ARE READING
Memory Lane
Mystery / ThrillerNana Yamashita has been an absolute trainwreck ever since her girlfriend went missing nearly a year ago. She can barely remember who she was before that fateful morning when she woke up and realized that something had gone horribly wrong. Stuck in t...