Hello 2014

All My Exes

What do a vampire, a werewolf, a zombie, a ghost and a warlock have in common? Me apparently. Or at least that's what I gathered when they all started chasing me down.

The vampire was the first to show up, calling me by a different name and claiming to be a jilted lover. I tried to explain the impossibility of it all seeing as he's a man and I had never gone for those but he had pictures. Pictures he was more than happy to show me once he had me locked up. The door was blown off its hinges before he had a chance to do much more than that.

He remained shoved in a corner avoiding the rays of sunlight while a man with magic released me from my chains. As he led me outside I thought I was so lucky to have been sent this man, a savior. The savior had pictures as well.

As you can imagine by the fourth rescue I had sensed a pattern. The ghost didn't even get a chance to tell me his sob story before I bolted.

-

"I don't know you," I huffed breathlessly as I narrowly avoided a tree. 30 minutes into our little race and adrenaline was the only thing keeping me upright and moving. I stumbled momentarily as the warlock dropped another tree in my path. "This is not fair" I yelped adjusting my course as the wolf flung himself at me. He crashed into a tree and the zombie was right there helping him up. They seem to have formed an alliance of sorts.

The sun that was slowly disappearing over the horizon brought many problems that I couldn't afford to think about. I'd lost track of where I was about 2 monsters ago. They kept taking me farther and farther out of town and now it was near impossible to shake them without knowing how far I was from civilization.

Just as I felt my legs and will began to bow out simultaneously, I saw it. Beyond the treeline was a road. The forest could go on forever but a road had to lead somewhere. I trudged on.

I'd barely made the transition from dirt to pavement when I felt them gaining on me. The whisper of a claw grazed my skin as I registered a new sound behind me to be that of an engine. I was ready to give up as their reinforcements had arrived but the screech of tires and their pained screams gave me renewed hope. I looked back to find them all scattered on the road plowed down by a single vehicle.

"Get in" a voice called from inside the truck. They had a hoodie on so there was nothing to stop it from being a Cyclops or Medusa coming to my aid. I was not dumb enough to have not learned my lesson but was very tired and desperate. I told myself as I opened the door that I could not be so unlucky as to have another suitor. Maybe one stranger could be just that.

I was barely inside before the car was in motion again. "Are you ok?" the figure asked as they stepped on the gas. I scanned their body, my hand still clutching the door handle in case I needed to tuck and roll. Nothing about them seemed of note and then they turned to me. The dim street light caught the features under the hood in brief illuminations. 

The source of all my problems. 

My face staring back at me.

One might have a hard time picking the first question to ask a twin they never knew they had. I only had the one. "What the fuck did you do?"