you saved me

haunting me

Lukas' pov

I kiss him, I feel his lips collide with mine as Phillip wraps his arms around my neck. I'm kissing him as if he is a piece of raw meat and I'm a starving dog.

"Lukas." He whispered against my lips as I go to kiss him more.

"Hm..? " I said as I kissed his lips, breaking apart.

"Why did you let me die? " he says as I stop and look at him in confusion.

"W-what? " I say stuttering.

"Why did you let me die? Why did you leave me alone? ...My chest hurts. " he says as I look at his face in confusion.

I quickly start to panic when I look down and blood is spilling from his chest. I try to move but all of a sudden I'm there, at the party. I'm holding him in my arms as I scream and shout out.

"Someone help me! " I scream as Phillip starts to cry in pain. "I know Phil, I know! Tommy call the ambulance" I started trying to apply pressure to the wound.

"Lukas... Am I going to die? " he says with tears draining from his face.

"No, you're not! Just stay awake baby, just stay with me just a little longer Tommy's calling the ambulance! " I whisper in his ear.

"Rumors are gonna... " he says as blood drips out of his mouth.

"I don't care... " I say looking side to side as I wait for the ambulance.

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"Hey baby, I brought the bike let's get you home. I know Helen is gonna try to cook.. " I say as he laughs.

"Really the bi...bi-" Phillip stopped mid sentence and grabbed his chest. I looked at him in confusion.

"Phillip? " I said in worry.

"L.. Lukas I can't... I can't breath-" Phillip said as I dropped the helmets and rushed over to grab the brown haired boy before he collapsed.

"Somebody! Somebody help me! Phillip! Phillip! " the sound echoes as I jump awake.

Tears start to stream down my face as I look around, there's a dark figure in the corner of my room.

"Dad? " I say as I turn the light on, the figure disappears. I just assumed it was a figment of my imagination.

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As I'm riding at the track Phillip used to film me at, I go to do a jump, but suddenly in the corner of my eye I see him, the love of my life, standing there arms intertwined. I lost focus and quickly collapsed to the ground. The bike was fine but my arm was hurt, not broken but scratched up.

"Damn bike... " I said as I collected myself up from the ground. I decided since the cabin was only a few minutes away that I was going to go there. Hopefully my head would stop playing tricks on me.

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I opened the door of the cabin and sat on the bed, I rubbed my hand in the side of the bed Phillip say at when we had our first kiss. I was terrified to kiss him, to know I liked a boy, but Phillip was worth all the pain, all the fear.

I sighed as I opened the fridge, I thought about if I should drink a beer and drown my sorrows or stay sober and not self destruct. I know Phillip would want me to figure this out a healthy way so I closed the fridge.

"Why do you have to be so convincing even in death? " I whispered as I looked out the window.

My body froze, my eyes set upon a figure, that had Phillip's face, my mind was still playing tricks on me. He just stood there, frozen, staring at me as I stared back. I quickly started to feel tears form in my eyes. "This isn't real. This isn't real! " I shouted as I continued to look at him. I rubbed my eyes, he was gone.
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'What the hell is happening?' I thought as I walked through the halls of school. No one looked at me, no one talked to me, after my outburst I highly doubt anyone ever would.

As I turned I slid my hand onto Phillip's locker and sighed. "What are you doing to my mind..? " I asked as I rested my head against the metal door.

The bell rang for lunch and I decided maybe some fresh air would do me some good. As I stepped out, I looked for a place to sit. I decided on the school sign would be a good idea. I opened my bag and pulled out my phone, but as I did I heard a crash. Some girl crashed her bike into the tree next to me.

As I looked up I saw him again, standing there beautifully across the street. I stood up and started inching my way over, he didn't, he only smiled. I was so close to him I could almost reach out for him, but before I got close enough a car pulled right in front of me.

"Hey watch where you're going asshole! " the man in the car said as he sped off.

And with that Phillip was gone again. My mind must he playing with me, everytime I see him, he's distanced, he's looking at me, but he's silent.

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Once I returned home I darted towards my room, as I ran in I grabbed Phillip's jacket and sobbed. Why is my brain doing this to me? Is it grief?

Every moment replaying, the first kiss we shared, the murder we witnessed, every hug, every kiss, every playful fight, everytime I embraced him, the real arguments, the painful things I put him through, him getting shot, and his death. All played in my head a mile a minute.

I sobbed harder as I looked up, there he was. He had a frown this time.

"This isn't real! You aren't real! You're dead! You're dead because I was forgetful! Because I wasn't strong enough! " I cried out as he stepped closer.

"This isn't fair! What did you do!? What did you do to deserve this!? I love you! I love you and you're gone! " I sobbed.

Tears formed in Phillip's eyes.

"Say something! " I screamed. "Say I failed you! Say I could've done something! Say I could've helped you! Say you hate me! Say anything! I need to hear your voice! Even if this is in my head! " I shouted as he inched closer to me.

"Please... Shout, scream, argue, hate me. Just do something. " I said as I held the jacket closer.

"Lukas... " he whispered as I felt a cold feeling down my back, his voice was saddened.

"This isn't real! " I say.

"Lukas I love you! " he says as I snap my head to him.

"I got you killed! I'm tired of my mind tricking me! Leave! Leave! This isn't real! " I scream as his figure vanishes.

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What's happening to me?