Roseanne
On Monday, it is Jennie who drives me out to the inn to finalize wedding plans, since Jaehyun was busy and I was nervous about driving alone, given what happened the other day. Jennie is able to take off work without a ration of shit since she's her own boss, and not for the first time, I wonder what my life might be like if I hadn't left school to take care of my dad. Would I have a job I love? Would I be able to set my own hours? If he hadn't gotten sick, if my mother hadn't fallen apart so completely...but what's done is done. You can't change the past.
"I love Tae," she says, "but his ideas for your bachelorette party leave much to be desired."
"Such as?"
"Prostitutes, Roseanne. I'm not joking. He wants me to bring in prostitutes."
"Oh my God. To strip?"
"No. You hire strippers to strip."
I give a choked laugh. "So for sex? How would that even work? Is he thinking I'd just, like...go into the bathroom with one of them?"
"He said 'guys do it, so why shouldn't she? I want her to see what she's missing.'"
I sigh. "He seems to be under the impression that just because I'm not all 'do me, Jaehyun, right now,' that we're missing something."
I expect her to laugh but she's oddly quiet. "But you're like that sometimes, right?"
I slant a glance at her. "Please don't join the last-minute chorus of people telling me I'm making a mistake. I mean, you've had years to tell me this, so mere weeks before my wedding is just...rude."
"I'm not," she argues. "You know I think Jaehyun's great. And to be fair, I have asked you about this before. Right before you moved in with him."
I broke up with Jaehyun to move back to D.C., but when he followed me here—showing up on my doorstep with this impassioned speech straight out of a romance—it felt like fate, like the kind of thing I was supposed to give into. I was torn at the time, but it's all kind of romantic, in hindsight. "I thought you just wanted to make sure I'd thought it through. I didn't think you were trying to dissuade me."
"I wasn't, necessarily. I just didn't...I wasn't sure he made you happy."
"Of course he does," I reply, shocked she'd even think about it. Jaehyun might not be the most exciting guy, but that's fine with me. What matters far more is that he is cute and kind, reliable and steadfast. While Jennie and Tae sit around bemoaning men who forget to call, who change plans without warning or hook up with the blond at the gym, I've found someone who remembers every anniversary and doesn't even seem to realize other women exist. "Where is this coming from? The other day you guys are telling me it's not too late to change my mind and now this?"
She gives me an apologetic smile before she looks back at the road. "I know you love him, and I know he's a good guy, but when was the last time you were happy with him?"
My head jerks back. "I'm happy now! And if I don't seem happy that's not his fault. It's just who I am."
Her eyes flicker to me once more and she frowns. But it's not who you were, her look says.
I turn up the radio and change the subject, because I cannot think about this right now. There are times in your life when you just have to focus, get through something and leave all the considering and mulling over behind. And despite the dreams about Lisa, this is that time. I'm getting married in a matter of weeks. It'd be too late to change my mind if I wanted to. And I don't want to.
