"You really need to eat something." Azuna, Roseanne's next-door neighbor, set the steaming mug of tea on the kitchen table in front of Roseanne and sat in the chair to her right.
Without looking, Roseanne knew Azuna's features were drawn and somber. The woman had adored Jaehyun. Everyone had. None of their friends had known about his mood swings. Or the fact he purposely stayed away from home. Or that he and Roseanne fought most of the time. But they didn't need to know those things now. No one did.
"Thanks." With shaky fingers, Roseanne wrapped her hands around the mug, holding on to the warmth. "I think I might just be ill if I smell one more cup of coffee."
There'd been a steady stream of friends through the house all afternoon and into the early evening. This was the first quiet moment Roseanne had found. And now...now she wondered why she'd wanted it.
"The tea should help you relax," Azuna said, pushing her hair over her shoulder. "It's been a long day. How about a little soup?"
Roseanne shook her head. Food was the last thing on her mind. Her stomach would revolt if she tried to eat. Waving a hand, she blinked back tears that wanted to fall. She wasn't going to give in again. Not now. She'd save the waterfall for when she was alone. In that big bedroom she was too used to sleeping in all by herself.
"I'm not hungry." Silence enveloped the room. She knew Azuna disapproved, but she had a thousand other things on her mind besides food. "God, Azuna. I have so much to do."
Azuna's hand clamped over hers on the table. "There's plenty of time for all that."
"No. If I don't get it all taken care of, I'll go nuts." She leaned back in her chair. "I can't stay here."
"You have to give it time. You can't make rash decisions right now."
"No. This house was his idea. Living here..." Her eyes slid shut. "He made every major decision in our lives."
"He was your husband. And you've been through so much this last ten months with the accident. Of course he made all the decisions. It's logical given your medical history."
Her medical history. The memory loss. It had been Jaehyun's excuse for everything. Why he ran their finances, why he arranged it so she was never alone, why he'd chosen which publisher she freelanced for.
She should have insisted he include her in decisions. She should have played a bigger role in planning for a day like this. She didn't even know where to look for his life insurance policy.
Her stomach rolled, and she swallowed back the bile. Leaning forward to rest her elbows on the table and her head in her hands, she knew she needed to get as far from this house as possible. She'd felt the pull to leave months ago, but she'd fought it because of Jaehyun. Because her life was here. Now...now she didn't know what to think anymore.
"Jaehyun was the one who loved Osaka. Not me." Her head throbbed. She wasn't taking pain medication tonight. Not when her mind was already in a fog.
"It's your home, Roseanne. You can't just leave. Jaehyun's family's here."
A pathetic laugh erupted from Roseanne's lips. "He and his father haven't spoken in more than a year. The man barely even acknowledges he has a grandson. That's not the type of family I want for Miles."
"Just promise me you won't make any spur-of-the-moment decisions. Please?"
Concerned eyes gazed into Roseanne's face. Azuna wouldn't get it. Not really. She wouldn't understand that this feeling of not belonging had been festering for a long time. That it had been haunting her ever since the accident. And tonight wasn't the night to get into it with her.
