Fifty Shades of Decay (ONGOING)

The Lie

You actually end up passing out on the couch. He considered just leaving you there and did at first but felt guilty and came back putting a blanket over you. 'Why did they have to send her?' He wonders in anger. He knows he can not protect you from the agencies out to end the rebellion. He knows they will erase you along with everyone else there but he can't seem to justify the deaths of many  who reside with you and your Master. Though it's not for the first time since he began this journey of taking down the army his resolve is shaken this time feels stronger...maybe it's jitters? His mind flashes to your blissfully sleeping face and he grunts in frustration. this is bigger than both of you and he knows that... the guilt still bubbles. 

"I hate doing your dirty work." He says angrily into the air as he lays his drunken body in his newly empty bed. All thanks to them. He seethes while you toss and turn in a merciless nightmare. Somewhere in the middle of the night when all is silent you shoot up into a sitting position and have no idea where you are. "MASTER?!" Your shrill terrified scream jolts Hawks awake and into an upright standing position without him even realizing what's going on. "MASTER?!" You scream again curling into the fetal position. "What is happening?" Tears streak down your cheeks. Between the alcohol and the adrenaline every rational thought and most memory is replaced by the desperate focus of finding your Master. The panic attack you lose yourself in is nothing short of overwhelming.

You try to stand only to fall to the side onto the floor tangled in a blanket your mind is sure is really an attacker a shrill scream sounds again and finally Hawks flips on a light. The sight nearly breaks his heart. You could easily be likened to a wounded animal on the floor absolutely drenched in agonizing fear. "Are you alright?" You snarl and turn your quirk toward him just in case when finally the memory of everything settles like a fog. Your rage and fear slowly get replaced with pain. "Right...sorry." Hawks shakes his head and crouches down. 

"Seriously Y/N are you okay?" You shake your head tears streaking down your cheeks again. "I'll be good for him though. I have to." Hawks helps you up without saying a word about your response. He notices you sway a bit and realizes you must not metabolize alcohol very quickly. "I can help you to your room." He offers but you shake your head. "I have to breathe. Do you have any smokes?" He cocks an eyebrow and huffs a chuckle. "That is literally so counter-intuitive you know that right?" You sigh and put your hand over your face. "Yes or no feathers." 

"No I don't but we can get you some if it's really necessary." You nod solemnly...not even that reminder of home is here...everything sucks. "Please Y/N, let me show you to your room. You're still drunk and this house is huge. I'm not going to hurt you." The phrase annoys you more than it should. "I'm not afraid of you Hawks." You scoff and try to storm off but only end up hitting the wall with your arm. "Wrong way." A growl from your throat echoes off the walls back at you. "Fucking fine Hawks show me where to fucking go." 

He finds himself having to resist the urge to laugh at your outburst and simply guides you by your elbow toward the way he wants you to go. The guidance is eerily similar to how your Master first began training you. "I know you miss him Y/N...Redestro said either you leave with me or I had to stay there. He knew I couldn't do that to keep the charade going." You take a deep shaky breath. "I didn't mean to wake you." Is all you say in reply trying desperately to avoid his previous comments. 

"It's all good. Goodnight Y/N." You nod slip into your room and as he is walking away he can hear the lock slide into place. 'Is murder really the right option?' He wonders to himself; thinking of how you serve Shigaraki he can see how you might be a problem but what if you were removed from the influence? His mind turns over idea after idea trying to find some other way to take down the liberation army any option other than killing you, twice, the innocent children that wander around the armies huge quarters. He lay awake for hours warring with what he knows he will have to do. "This fucking sucks." He groans rolling onto his side and passing out.