f*ck around and find out / Julien Baker

Chap. 50: Little Oblivions pt.3

a/n: Why am I actually so sad to finish this story? 

Genuinely, thank you so much to everyone who read the whole thing. I am just as sentimental as Alice and it means a lot to me that people appreciate my writing. I have always written stories (not fanfic but other stuff), but never shown them to anyone. This is the first thing I've ever had people read who aren't me, so I really appreciate you all. 

Now, the finale of "fuck around and find out"!!!

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The songs fill the space around me. Julien sounds like an angel, but a wounded one. One that doesn't understand how special she really is. One that I can't help but want to take in my arms and make feel loved.

I glance over at her during "Bloodshot". She meets my eyes and the line that she wrote when we got together plays over the speakers.

"Take me and tear me apart,"

They are the words that give me hope. They are the words that show me how much Julien has grown. She has grown stronger than her fears.

I don't think I can express to her how proud I am of the person she is.

I stare at her in front of me and know that she could never possibly see herself how I see her. I make a quiet promise to myself.

I will spend every day trying to make her see how incredible she is.

I soak in the warmth of her sight.

Julien's previously nervous face turns into a timid smile as she tries to read my thoughts. It can't be hard, my love is written across my face in bold letters.

The lines around the side of her mouth crinkle as she looks down and smiles.

I fall into a trance under the music, it pulls me under and won't let me go. I wouldn't want it to. I want to get lost in the incredible talent of my girlfriend while I sit next to her, astonished at how her voice is even real.

I am doing a good job at not crying, but once "Crying Wolf" starts playing, hot tears start falling down my face. Once I start I can't stop. I sob, covering my mouth with my hand as I listen to Julien's voice. She turns to face me, wiping tears from under my eyes. She can hardly keep up with them as they fall.

"Aw, it's okay, Alice," she says softly, smiling a little to try and make me smile.

"No, it's not. It's not okay that you ever felt like that," I say through my sobs.

Julien just holds me close.

I look at her directly in her eyes.

"Every time," I reaffirm my promise to her, "I will come for you every time."

I hold up my pinky to her. Tears spring to her eyes and she wraps her pinky around mine.

The song ends and I take a breath, trying to find some ounce of composure. That hope is lost when "Hurt Less" starts playing.

Julien whispers in my ear, "I fell in love with you after we wrote this."

I look at her little genuine smile on her gorgeous face and cry even harder. Julien makes a pouty little face at me and wraps me up in her arms as I sob to her music. My sobs are happy in some ways, even though the music is not. I just feel all consumed by the music and my feelings for Julien.