ＴＷＯ ＢＩＲＤＳ

16

"then kiss me."

shivers ran down my spine.
I was used to jisung joking around like this, but something in his tone was different.
he was serious.
he wanted me to kiss him.

"jisung you have a math lesson soon, you should finish your meal."
I said, trying to keep my cool, even tho I was panicking inside.

why was a simple sentence like this making me so nervous?

"fuck this."
jisung said and he got up, rather aggressively.
he made his way to me and placed his hands on my cheeks, and before I could do anything or register what was happening, he connected our lips in a quick kiss.

I was frozen.
shocked.
I couldn't move as I stared at him.

"thank you for proving me I was pretty."
he said with a small smile, before walking inside the study room.
right after the door behind him closed, I started panicking.

"what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuck."
I was whisper-yelling to myself, pacing around the dining room, until a maid came inside.
probably to take the dirty dishes from the table.

"mr. minho, is everything okay?"
she asked me.

no.
no it fucking isn't.

"oh, yeah, everything is good."
I said, trying to sound as convincing as i could.

"where is mr. jisung?"

"in the study room."
I bet he's smiling like an idiot there.
little fucker.

"really? his teacher won't be here in another five minutes."
the maid said, a little confused before taking the empty plate jisung left behind.
like me, right after he stole my first kiss.

I made my way into my room to properly calm the fuck down.
this was NOT how I imagined my fist kiss to go.
I never thought it would be jisung.
I never thought it would be a guy.

does that make me a gay?
I guess so.
I'm officially a gay.

what the actual fuck am I thinking?

•~•

jisung had his math lesson now, which gave me a good forty five minutes to think.

jisung kissing me made me question everything.
and I mean everything.

did all of the times that I shared with jisung actually meant something?

all the times I thought he looked beautiful.
all the times I thought he was cute.
all the times there was a tension between us.
all the times I cared for him.
all the times I was attracted to him.

it's true that I caught myself checking him out a few times, but I just thought that was only the thing that guys just do, you know?
sometimes you just check your friend out cuz you want to, no feelings or attraction involved.

I never thought about it, because I always thought that I was straight.
sure, I thought jisung was beautiful, but its normal to find a person with the same gender beautiful.
I never dig into it deeper.

han jisung, what the hell have you done to me?

the forty five minutes felt like forty five seconds, and before I knew it, the tutor walked out of the study room, jisung right behind him, waking me up from my trance.

"did I ever tell you that the teacher is kinda fine?"
jisung whispered to me, looking at his teacher walking away.

how dare he say that to me after stealing my first kiss and making me question my sexuality?

"mhm."
I stood up from the chair.
"wanna go see the ducks?"

•~•

all the walk to the lake I was thinking one thing.
if someone ever asks me who my first kiss was, I would have to tell them it was a teenager four years younger then me.
fuck my life.

"you're kinda silent, you good?"
jisung asked me, slurping his slushy.

when I think about it, I'm buying him slushy every day when we go out.
he's the rich one, why isn't he paying it himself?
it's true that at the end of every month jisung gives me money for that. he just wants someone to take care of him like this I guess.
treat him like a princess.
I could do that.
as long as he was giving me money for that.

his isolation and social anxiety could also be a reason tho.

"mhm. everything good."
I said.

"did I make you uncomfortable by kissing you?"
jisung asked, looking at me.

no, it just made me question my entire life.
all good.

"no, it's okay."

"oh, okay then, I'm glad. I don't want things to be awkward between us."

I nodded.
"I don't want that either. it will only be awkward if we make it awkward."

"then let's try not to make it awkward."
he said, taking another sip.

just as the lake came into view, jisung ran up to it, excitedly twinging.
"look Minho! ducks!"

I smiled.
he's cute.
apparently in a homo way now.
fuck this.

"you happy to see them?"

jisung immediately nodded.
"can I have your phone?"

I was confused.
"why do you need it?"

"I want to take pictures of them. I don't know how long they will be here, and I wanna have a memory of my friends."
jisung said with a small pout.
"please~"

I sighed.
how could I say no to that face?

"here."
I said as I gave him my phone.

"thank you~"
he said happily, before filing my phone with duck pictures.

all I could do was watch him, enjoying his time here.
I wonder how he would act if he had a normal life.
if he could go outside when he wanted, and be himself.

I guess I will never know.