ＴＷＯ ＢＩＲＤＳ

31

laying in an apartment in Sydney, watching my favorite series, jisung in my arms.
that's all I could wish for.

it was a complicated journey.

I got fired only two days after the rape incident, because I punched mr. han.
I couldn't control myself.
not after what he did to jisung, and what he was saying about him.

we were able to stay in contact thanks to the phone I gave him, so we were able to come up with a plan how to get him out of there.
just two months after that, jisung was in my car, and we were driving to Seouls airport.
we left the country, and didn't look back since.

jisung is now a wonderful vocalist and guitarist of his own band, and he's doing what he always wanted.
I have never seen him this happy, and it melts my heart whenever I think about that.

me on the other hand, tried a different thing.
I stopped being a bodyguard, and ended up working as a dance teacher for kids and teenagers who enjoy dancing just as much as I do.
I found myself as well, just like my jisung did.

jisungs rapist is still free to this day.
he never got the punishment he deserved.
but jisung is okay with that.
after an intense therapy, and love and support from me, he was able to get over his trauma, and accept what happened to him.
I couldn't be more proud.

jisung suddenly got up and walked towards our balcony, opening the window door and walking outside, sitting down on the ledge of the balcony.

"what are you doing?"
I asked him, sitting up.

"if I jumped, would you jump too?"
he asked, staring beneath him.

"what kind of question is that?"
I asked, confused.

"wake up minho."
he said, suddenly looking straight in my eyes.
"I'm not here."

before I could even say or do anything, jisung shifted his body weight, falling down.

"JISUNG-"

•~•

I woke up, sweaty and breathing heavily.

it took me a while to compose myself, and when I caught my breath, I closed my eyes, and grabbed my hair in frustration.

I got up and checked the time.
1:37am
why I'm not surprised?

I got up and went to take a cold shower, hoping it would wash away my feelings as well.

"I need a drink."
I whispered to myself, before taking my jacket and walking out of my apartment in Sydney, locking the door behind me and making my way to the bar right across the street.

sitting down on the oh so familiar bar chair, I ordered a glass of whiskey, with three ice cubes.

"hello there handsome."
a woman sat down next to me.
"I'll have a gin and tonic."
she said to the bartender, before turning to me.
"why are you here alone?"

"just...because?"
I answered, not interested in a conversation.

"do you perhaps have a girlfriend?"
she asked me.

"I have a boyfriend. my jisung."
I said, looking down on my whiskey.
"he actually didn't really like alcohol. his father was a huge drinker, so he hated all of this stuff. he did drink whenever he felt sad or depressed, because he learnt it makes you forget. all from his alcoholic father."

"where is jisung now?"
she asked me, just curiousness in her voice.
no flirting.

"oh he jumped from a building two years ago. kinda wish he left a letter, you know what I mean?"

in reality, our story wasn't so perfect.

I did ended up getting fired two days after jisungs rape.

but after that, jisung never reached out to me.
even tho I texted him as much as I could, he never answered my messages.

until one day.
he responded, and told me that his father is forcing him to marry a man with huge wealth, because after the event jisung fainted at, his father gave up on trying to make jisung his heir, and instead started looking for a wealthy man jisung can marry, so the man could run the han group. he told me I can't text him anymore, since he's an engaged man.
it broke my heart.

the day he killed himself, I received a message from him.
it was a song, a song he wrote.
the name of it was limbo.
I remember the lyrics like it was my name.

he told me the song was about me.
he told me that he loved me.
i wasn't able to say it back tho.

the next day, I saw on the news that he jumped from a building.
at 1:37am
the last ever call I received from him was on 1:36am.
I was sleeping, so I didn't pick it up.
but god, I wish I did.
maybe if I did, he would still be alive.

maybe if I never came into jisungs life, he would never get hurt.

he shed tears because of me.
he got raped because of me.
he died because of me.

and I will never forgive myself for it.

I met up with chan after I heard what happened.
I wanted answers.
he told me that after the day jisung was raped, he was never called to come back, which meant that jisung could never really get over what happened to him. he was all alone on it, without being able to talk with anybody about his feelings.

chan looked pretty devastated as well.
we both were.
we're actually a good pals now.

he was the one who suggested that I move out of Korea.
that I should start fresh, maybe that would help me.
a little change.

so I moved to Sydney, like chan said.
a beautiful city if you asked me.

and the most wonderful thing is that sometimes, sometimes when I try hard enough, I can see jisungs face in the stars from my apartments balcony.

sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I stayed by his side.
if my plan actually worked.
if I was able to get him out of his fathers grip, and move away.
maybe we would live in Tokyo now, or on Bali.
maybe we would be married.
and just maybe, we would have kids.
maybe we would be happy.

but that's not our story.

deep down, I always knew we would never be able to work out, even if we tried.
we just weren't meant to be.

maybe in another universe, you wouldn't leave me.
you promised you will stay by my side, you liar.

THE END