As a single mom in a small town, there's only one thing I want. Another baby. When all the roads to getting what I want lead to dead ends, I turn to one of my best friends for help.
In my mind, Trent Castillo is the perfect baby daddy. He has good g...
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The shop is closed, and I'm not sure what I expected, but seeing all the police tape grabs me by the throat. It looks like a crime scene, even though I know Trent didn't do anything wrong. Seeing what they've done to the place causes a spike of irrational anger.
Of course Trent would get cold feet and throw up barriers when the place he's poured so much into is now a sign of potential illegal activity.
Dan might not have been able to lure Trent back into drug dealing, but he's certainly making sure Trent's punished for his unwillingness to go along with Dan's plans.
To make things worse, as Trent predicted, some factions of the town are already tsking and buzzing about how they knew something was fishy when Trent was doing so well. When the truth comes out, it won't reverberate as loud as the lie, it never does, and there will always be people who'll look at what's happening now with side-eyes, convinced Trent got lucky and not that he's innocent.
If I could strangle Dan with my bare hands, I think I'd have it in me to do it. At least then, Trent and I'd both have criminal records, and he could stop throwing his past up like an insurmountable barrier.
I drive away, and I heard to Kathy's Café to get Maggie and I coffees before I stop by the pharmacy. While I stand in line, I can hear people whispering, gossip flying around me like arrows, narrowing missing their mark.
"Oh, Emily," Kathy says when I get to the front. "I was so sorry to hear Trent let you down."
"He didn't let me down," I say, bristling. "He hasn't done anything wrong."
She lets out a deep sigh and shakes her head. "Maggie said that in high school too, you know. That Trent couldn't have been doing what he was doing. We all know how that turned out."
"For what it's worth," Sabrina says at Kathy's shoulder, "I don't think Trent did anything wrong this time."
"What can I get you?" Kathy asks, shooing Sabrina back to mixing drinks.
I give her the coffee orders, even though I might become like Maggie and stop coming here. Judgmental bullshit is not what I want to be sipping. When it becomes clear that the chatter behind me has a lot to do with Trent, I rotate on my heel after I've paid, and I survey all the familiar faces. If this costs me a client or two, I can't even be mad about it. I don't want to represent them anyway.
"Trent is going to be cleared. I can guarantee you that he's not involved in this in any way."
A couple of people shake their heads, like I'm deluded, and that same anger surfaces, threatening violence.
I go to the counter, and I grab my coffees from Sabrina, and I try not to storm out of the café. I don't want to give a single person a reason to believe I don't have total faith in Trent's innocence and how I act matters.
Maggie's pharmacy is quiet when I enter, and Maggie glances up from the back counter where she's filling prescriptions.
"Slow day?" I ask, approaching with the coffees.
She takes the one I offer, and she comes around the retail counter to lean against it with me. "I probably shouldn't say this out loud, but I suspect it's slow because of what's going on with Trent. I never distanced myself from him, and that was easy to say and do when he lived in Utica." Maggie takes a long sip. "It'll be back to normal tomorrow."
"I loudly declared Trent innocent in Kathy's today, so I'm sure I'm also on people's shit lists."
Maggie holds her hand up and I high five it. "Honestly, if I was going to root around in shit for anyone, it'd be a Castillo man," Maggie says.
"He moved out," I say, staring at my cup.
"I wondered if he would. He's always been really hard on himself about what he did, and I get it, but I still wish he could move past it."
"Hard to move past when it's being shoved back in your face by the man who contributed to your jail sentence the first time."
"Fair point," Maggie says.
Silence sits between us as we sip our coffees.
"I'm in love with him," I whisper, "and this whole thing is making me so angry and so sad, and I just..." My voice catches on a sob.
Maggie sets down her coffee and draws me into a tight hug. "Does he know?"
I nod against her shoulder, but I can't get any words out. Last night, I tried so hard not to cry too much while I was talking to Trent. If he was going to stay, I didn't want it to be because he felt sorry for me.
"Did he say it back?" Maggie asks, her voice gentle.
"Yeah," I say, my voice thick as I step away, wiping my tears. I love you too. So fucking much. And that's why I can't stay.
Maggie grabs a tissue box from her counter and passes it to me. "That's huge for him."
Part of me knows his admission is a big step. The problem is that he brandished the feeling like a shield, as though it justified pushing me away rather than drawing me closer.
"He loves me, so he can't drag me into this," I say.
"Oh," Maggie says, and she kneads the middle of her forehead with her index fingers. "And he's really stubborn."
"I am aware," I say, releasing a shaky breath.
"If this gets resolved, do you want to be with him—like permanently?"
"I haven't felt anything close to this since Omar died. Trent's my person. Like, soul deep. And I know that seems over the top, but it's true. I love everything about him, and I'm so... I can't believe this is happening."
Maggie picks back up her coffee, and she takes long sips, clearly thinking. "I don't know how much headway you'll make with him until the police confirm he had nothing to do with Dan's drug bust."
"You think I should just leave it alone?" I say, and my heart is already launching a protest in my chest.
"No," Maggie says, carefully. "He's going to try to push you away, and it'll have to be up to you to make sure he doesn't, that he can't."
"Oh, is that all?" I say, tears brimming.
"The reason Trent and I stayed friends through everything is because I didn't give up on him. He pushed, and I pushed back. And, yeah, it's going to be harder to do that in this town with half of them being assholes right now, but if what you want more than anything is him, then you don't give up."
"But you were never in love with him," I say. "What if he never wants what we had again? What if I push back but I never get what I want from my persistence?"
Maggie sucks in a deep breath. "What's the alternative, Em?"
That I never get any part of him, ever, at all. I set down my coffee on the counter, and I cover my face, another sob rising. "How did I get here?" I cry.
"You were brave enough to put your heart on the line again," Maggie says, enveloping me in another hug. "Honestly, I've never seen Trent with another woman the way he was with you. If you give him time, don't let him go too far, he'll figure it out. I think he'll figure it out."
Except I know from the way she says it that neither of us are completely sure of that, that it's entirely possible that Trent's version of figuring it out has already happened. He'll spare my reputation, but he'll sacrifice both our hearts.
