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You Never Came Home | Horror x Dust | Angst

I can't find the inspiration. If anyone can somehow find it I'd be thankful.

Heavy Implications of Suicide. You have been warned.

~~~~~~~~~

To My Love,

It started with a prank. I know that now. Not like it's useful, y'know. Hindsight's fantastic. After it all happened, I could've killed Killer when he told me. But, I... somehow managed to keep it in. Horror, you, would want me to be calm. Horror... I couldn't sleep all night. I was terrified. You followed through with a prank to be slightly mean to me. I thought you were being serious so I left. I haven't ever regretted something so much in my life. To say I'm worried is to tell a suicidal person they're slightly sad, or they 'woke up on the wrong side of the bed'. Ironic. Did you say something I didn't hear after I left? I should've stayed. Nothing will ever make me not regret what I did. Killer admitted it to me. I could've gone back for you. But like a fucking idiot I stayed. Hoping you would come home. I would've been able to probably find you too.

Look, I couldn't sleep. No. I was petrified. I don't know. I've been able to read my emotions. B̶o̶s̶s̶, Nightmare sorry, he helped me with that. You did too. I don't know how I survived on my own. Heck you were in better shape than me after fucking years without eating. Sorry for the swearing... I can't think straight. At 3am I went back to the spot where I found you. A long time ago. Before Nightmare even met you. On the icy cliff. It had melted a bit, with the food supplies B̶o̶s̶s̶ gave. Nightmare gave. More magic was in the air. It was warmer than I remembered. But you weren't there. It was Horrortale. I knew I couldn't stay for long. B̶o̶s̶s̶ Nightmare would scold me as soon as he found out. It's far too dangerous for a small person like me to be there, especially at night, where physical strength is more important than any magic I could muster up. Especially in my current state. I couldn't even go look for you. I knew your Papyrus would've sent you back here. And, would've sent me back too. Your brother is sweet. I could have asked to stay but, he knows its far too risky. So that's no use...

I blame Killer, but, he admitted it to me straight away. Within 5 minutes of it happening he told me. He expected it to be a harmless prank. And, in his letter I reference that. I apologise to him for being so rude. He won't blame me, he even tried to leave the night after to go look for you. Nightmare caught him. God, I hate writing Nightmare. I'm so used to writing Boss. I miss it slightly. I'm rambling now, sorry. I wish I had the ability to just seek you out. Nightmare even spoke to Dream to try find you. Reaper too. Neither had seen you, nor could feel your presence. Where did you go. I miss you. Please return home. Sorry, I'll continue:

It was 7am. I couldn't think straight. Nothing was connecting. I couldn't sense you, our soul bond was weak. I was devastated. The bed was cold, my mind was empty. I need you beside me. Your warmth was unparalleled. The largest oven could only hope to provide as much warmth as you. When our dynamic in this group changed from servants to a Boss. To a group of like minded individuals. I hated it. I never told B̶o̶s̶s̶ Nightmare. I never could. It would be like telling him being good is a bad thing. I don't blame him. But after then I was soft. Too soft. I always loved you, ever since I laid eyes upon you. You brought me joy I could never imagine. But, I, and you, had jobs to do. Missions to complete. When we got together I was so unbelievably happy. I couldn't express in words to you. And neither can I on paper or computer. I love you Horror. Words, nor text on a screen could ever allow me to fully explain the meaning of our love. Like a follower to its God. A moth to a light. Where you are the God and light. I hate talking or writing like this. I'm not a poet. I guess I am too soft. Could use some lessons from Classic, heck he's probably stronger than me. My bed was cold, but I was used to it that way. You were warm. So warm. Get me a pan, water and noodles and I could probably cook some ramen on your stomach. That's what it felt like. I couldn't go back. I had to sleep with Cross when you weren't here for those overnight missions. He's warm like you, I couldn't have gone as far I did without him. I mentioned that in his note too.

After our dynamic to changed to what it is now, I started thinking about life. Nothing, never without you. In every universe, in every timeline you were there by my side. I tried to think of one without you. I found one, but, it was just you in the past. We looked alike when we were younger. Not a surprise really. We are both Classic at heart. I hated it in a way. I wanted to serve Nightmare, it gave me a purpose. Not that I didn't love you. Not at all. But without a job I felt nothing. He gave me something I can't really describe. Same with you really. All of you. Killer, Cross, Error too. You all added something. I felt useless when I wasn't moving. Being lazy, no. I read a book a while ago, it's called Psychomotor Retardation. A symptom of depression. Which wasn't a surprise that I had it. You masked it well, you cut through it, but spots remained that spread. So when you were absent they grew back. Obviously you always came back. But I don't know if you will. I'm writing this with the hope you'll return. I'm writing multiple copies, giving one to your brother, so if you return to him he can hand you this. One to each of the stars too. I've never been a fan of them. Dream helps a lot. I understand why people like positivity. It's an amazing thing, but my allegiance is and will always be with Nightmare. Through life and death I swore. Were reincarnation to be real, in every life I want to work for him. Sure the bruises and such weren't the best but, he was the best Boss I could ask for. Again, I'm rambling, Sorry.

Almost everyone you might go to has one. Outer, Lust, Classic, Killer, Error, all the rest of our group. Even gave some to AU's you might not think of. Fell, Fellswap and swapfell. Numerous different Horrortale and Dusttale universes. Any AU you could name has one. Look, I'm desperate. I'm rambling in this, hoping you're gonna come home and stop me from doing what I plan on doing. You're the last one I'm writing for. I don't want tear stains on theirs. Sorry that they're on yours. I, went to the couch that morning. 7am Nightmare came down and questioned me. I'll briefly paraphrase the full conversation, it was far longer than this but, I'm on a time crunch. Sorry.

"Why are you up so early? And would you like a coffee?"- Nightmare

"Couldn't sleep. And, yes please." - Me

"Dust, do you think I'm an idiot?" - Nightmare

"No. No I don't Boss- Nightmare." - Me

"So, why do you continue to forget I know negativity from sleepiness." - Nightmare

He wasn't wrong. I had to give in no matter what so I said. The whole story. Everything from the prank and who dared you to do it, to me going to try and find you. Which showed desperation. Nightmare hates Horrortale. You know that more than anyone. He pretty much refuses to go, unless he absolutely needs to. There's no anger or sadness there. It's just hunger. Pure hunger

"Look, first of all. Never go to Horrortale without telling anyone. Secondly, I understand. I'll scold Killer. But please do not lose sleep over it. If it means so much I can try get Cross to sleep with you for comfort. His ecto is similar to Horrors with how it warms everything up." - Nightmare

I nodded at that, he knew I was exhausted as well. I was too tired to converse. Not without you there. You could speak for me often. As that day went on worry spiked in everyone. I could tell. Tension was thin, I was furious at Killer. Now I know better, I should've been civil. You might even be here now if I was. He was stood next to Nightmare, not letting me even get close to him. Rightly so. It was only 2 weeks ago and I feel stupid for how I was. Sun turned into moon, I was more stressed No sleep in nearly 60 hours all because I don't have a big hunk to sleep with. I love you, I haven't slept in a week or two. I've had at most 5 minute naps. The occasional time I pass out, but I don't really consider that sleep

You didn't come home that night.

Or the next.

Or the one after that.

I'm lost without you.

As a final note to you, my Love. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. I regret getting so close to you. If you come to castle and your note is dusty. I'm sorry. I hope you can find some comedy in the irony. Of Dust Sans dusting.

But it's not funny. I'm sorry

To my Love, Horror. I am so, so sorry for what I am going to do. I love you more than words can explain. I hope to find you in every life I ever live. I hope you find someone to keep you happy. Don't you dare follow the same path as me. I'm stupid unlike you.

Horror, I love you.

Goodbye.