Hugh Jackman ✨One Shots✨

Conflicting Feelings Part 8

Ryan was silent for a moment, as was I. Finally, I heard his voice. For once, he wasn't being the classic Ryan Reynolds, he was being the concerned friend, Ryan. "What do you mean you're not happy?" He asked, a bit confused by my admission. 

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, "I don't know. I just- I mean shit, I just had a part in the biggest film of my career. I'm getting calls from my agent to audition for major roles in upcoming films. This is just not the right time." I exhaled deeply as I thought about how my career would come to a screeching halt. 

I heard him sigh over the phone, "The films will still be here. Probably not the ones you're being asked to audition for, but there will be more films. I'm guessing you haven't told him?" 

I chuckled, "I literally just took a test before I called you."

I could hear him begin fake hyperventilating over the phone as he used an over-dramatic voice, "You mean...you mean...I'm the chosen one?" He asked, causing me to laugh. 

"Goodbye, Ryan." I said jokingly. 

He chuckled, "Just tell him. He loves Oscar and Ava, but I can promise you, he'll be stoked to have his first biological offspring." 

With that, we ended our phone call as I continued pacing the NYC penthouse waiting for Hugh to return from his morning bike ride through the city. Being a mother was not exactly something I wanted. I love kids, sure but I love other people's children, especially when I can give them back once I'm tired of them. This would be different. Not to mention my career being halted, but the fucking media and Deb are going to have a fucking frenzy whenever this comes out. 

20 minutes, or for me what seemed like an eternity had gone by. I heard the lock on the penthouse door turn, which meant Hugh had finally returned. He walked in and smiled at me as he approached me, quickly pecking my lips. 

"Morning, Love. I didn't want to wake you." He said softly as he walked towards the kitchen to grab some water from the fridge. 

I forced a smile, "Thank you." I said softly. 

He gave me a curious glance, "Are you feeling any better?" 

I shrugged, "I don't know. I think I'm going to lay back down for a bit." I said as I turned towards the bedroom. 

He gave me a half-smile as I turned, disappearing into the bedroom we shared. He knew something was up, but I was hoping he'd just pushed it off on the fact that I'd been feeling like shit. It had been 10-11 months since he showed up to my hotel room in LA to tell me that he and Deb had split up. We'd been having unprotected sex for months, I don't know why I was surprised to see a positive pregnancy test this morning. 

As I laid in our bed, a million thoughts ran through my brain...How I'd tell him, how he'd react, how I'd react to his reaction. I was shaken from my thoughts as I heard him walk past me and walk into the master bath. He looked at himself in the mirror, brushing over his stubble with his fingertips. He glanced down, spotting something on the bathroom counter and stared at it for a moment. 

Shit. I realized being in a panic when I saw the test, I must've forgotten to discard it before I called Ryan and spent 30 minutes pacing the fucking floor. I nervously bit my lip as I scratched my forearm anxiously, nervously awaiting his response to the small stick he was holding and had his gaze locked on. He looked up at me, eyes not completely wide, but they were definitely wider than usual. 

"Are you..." He managed to say while looking at me to make sure what he was seeing was accurate. 

I slowly nodded, it was all I could manage to do at this point in time. My words were completely failing me and even if they weren't, what the hell would I actually say? He sat the test down on the bathroom counter and quickly walked over to me, sitting in front of me on the bed. I could see his eyes glossy as if tears had begun forming in them. 

"Baby, this is incredible." He said softly, with a trembling voice. I sat silent, which he quickly noticed, "Don't you think so, love?" He asked me softly. 

I sighed, taking a deep breath, "I..." was all I could manage to choke out. 

He grabbed my hand, interlocking it with his, "What's wrong, babe?" He asked softly, his expression a mix of worry and anxiety. 

I shrugged, shaking my head slightly as I exhaled deeply, "I've worked so hard, busting my ass to pave a career for myself, Hugh." Tears were beginning to threaten to spill over my face, "I'm finally getting offers for major roles. My career is finally starting to blossom the way I'd always hoped it would...Now that's over for me." 

He shook his head, pulling me into his arms, "Baby, no. Don't say that. Your career is not over, love. You may have to take a hiatus in a few months, but you can pick up right where you left off." He said reassuringly. 

I nuzzled my head into his chest, sighing again, "It's been so hard to get where I'm at. I can't just come back months later and demand bigger films." 

He chuckled as he ran his fingers through my hair, "Babe, I can always help with that. There are loads of MCU movies that always want lead roles for developing characters." 

This was so easy for him. He had a massive career. He wouldn't be the one out of action due to a big pregnant belly. He didn't have to fight as hard as I did for a major role, spending years as an extra or a small role. I knew he was only trying to be supportive, but it was irritating me that he made this sound so easy to just get back into like I hadn't skipped a beat. 

He rested his chin on top of my head, "You're not even the slightest bit happy about this, are you?..." He asked, barely above a whisper. 

His voice was full of emotion and it broke my heart. He and Deb tried for biological children, which resulted in two miscarriages. That's when they adopted Oscar and Ava. He was no doubt their father, but I knew the feeling of having a child that shared his DNA and was biologically his, would be a big deal for him. I felt guilty for not being as ecstatic as he was. 

I shook my head, "In a perfect world, this would be maybe the best thing that had ever happened to me." I said softly, "But I'm selfish and my career comes first..." I continued, almost instantly regretting the words that had left my mouth. I knew they were a low blow. 

I heard him take a deep breath as I felt his body stiffen while the sound of him sniffling went through my ears. I looked up at him, seeing the heartbreak my words had caused him and I instantly felt two feet tall. The last thing I'd meant to ever do was to hurt him. 

I sighed, "Honey, I love you. I'm sorry." I said softly as I caressed his cheek. "I'm just in shock." I shook my head as I huffed, "I know that once the shock of it passes, I'll feel differently. Right now, I'm just heartbroken." 

He looked at me as he let himself give in to my hand on his cheek, nuzzling it. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I know that regardless of what happens with my career, I will love this child. I just have to... fully accept that things will be different." I said softly, still caressing his cheek. "Everything will be okay." I said as I kissed his forehead. 

He gave me a small smile as he turned his head, placing a soft kiss on my palm that was still caressing his cheek, "I love you, gorgeous."