La La One

What if; She is tired (teaser 13)

Azfa Natasha's Journal

We're both tired, aren't we, Noah Armani? For almost a year, you've made me feel lonely. Stuck in the middle, it feels like we can't keep up with how fast things are moving while we're still here, stuck in one moment.

We're both in pain. Even if we try, it seems very difficult. Always teetering on the edge of breaking up without any clear reason instead of resolving the problems. It's because we haven't been able understand what happens in this relationship.

"Let's break up, Azfa Natasha."

"No, I don't want to." I replied firmly; rejecting his request.

Noah Armani, you must have your own reasons why we can't be together, and so do I — I crave our sparks and try to make it sparkling like before. Honestly, I'm tired. I want to focus on myself and work on resolving things especially about us. I hope you understand how much I want us to fix our relationship.

"Aku dah cuba, tapi aku masih keliru dengan diri sendiri," back then, you said you love me but your actions tell a different meaning . Sometimes, I feel loved, other times, I feel unappreciated. I still can't hate you.

I'm always patient with you. I never judge you when you complain, I never blame you, I never threaten you when we argue. I never talk badly about you to my friends because I love you; I respect you as my lover, as my boyfriend. I respect you because you are my partner. I hope when you see that, it will make you better. Yes, you did it; With you, I don't need to beg attention, I am validated, and I don't feel left out. You always see my effort. But that was then. Now, you've changed; I always try to be the best person for you, but you've ruined everything. You're always feeding your ego and testing my patience.

I want to chase after you, but I'm always haunted by other things. Moving forward feels incredibly difficult. It's easy to say, but hard to do. So, I want to stop here, truly end it here. No more Azfa Natasha in you and with you. I don't want to know about your life anymore or anything that has to do with you. I want to stop. I want it all to be over.

My last act of love is respecting your decision and leaving you alone, just as you want. I choose to leave because you deserve to be loved by someone better, who can match your energy. I'm sorry it took me so long to understand you. Honestly, it's sad to realize that we weren't meant for each other, but I'm still grateful we had the opportunity to spend the past three years together.

I'm still waiting for you to come back to me.