Yellow Season

Likes & Dislikes

So, years went by and I never realized why I fell in love with that one....

It all just hit me now. I think, it is because I have never been treated nicely by any man except for my father and him. Not that these two "gentleman" have treated me like a princess but at the very least it was better than any other man I've ever known; even though both of them have insulted me in the most outlandish ways. And as my father obviously did the worst part of these insults; it makes the other one, him, the nicest man I've ever been acquainted with.
What's more interesting? He is a cousin of mine; from my mother's side. That makes him basically... my family. Pathetic, isn't it? But do not laugh yet. Because you are yet to know how deeply I am in love with him and what kind of strange stupidities it has led me to have done.

Craig Leigh, is the man whom I previously mentioned as "the one". I fell in love with him... uhhhm... I don't know when, because as long as I can remember I was sighing at the very sight of him each and every time I saw him.
He has always been mysterious to me. Hence, I am quite sure he is nothing close to my imagination. Might even be the biggest disappointment of my life once I truly get to know him. Some of you will raise your brows thinking how can I not know a man "truly" and be in love with him at the same time. And, the rest of you will obviously relate to me, might even feel sorry for us who fell victim to such shit once you read this.
It is because, love, is like a disease. It remains hidden inside your body for months and you don't even know it. But, the moment you realize something is wrong with you, it starts spreading so rapidly throughout your whole body that it leaves you only little to do. You may either sit back and watch yourself being plagued with helplessness or you could drown yourself into unsettling ideas about whether or not you are going to survive this and be able to feel healthy and happy again. Whether or not you are going to get to live the yellow season of your life for once again.

Craig, the love of my life, has been both rude as hell and sweet as heaven to me in the past. It surely confused me enough to deepen my feelings even more as the time went by. And you know if you know; one thing teenage female mind will never cease to do and it is to hallucinate themselves with foolish feelings such as love for those dirt bags who only ever makes them feel confused as hell. May these dirt bags feel the same helplessness at least once in their life as well.
I love Craig and I love him for all that he is; or maybe I don't, maybe I am just confusing myself. Taking respect for love because one thing is sure that I respect him the most; of all men. Because, I'm going to mention it once again even though I mentioned it before; men has not been nice with me ever; not even once. And despite of him scolding and criticizing me; he is the only one to have ever helped me out of a favor; for more than once.

Craig and I, are not even friends! There is always an invisible wall between us. though I wonder it often, is this wall unbreakable? Is there nothing I could do to remove it from between the two of us? And if we truly loved each other there shouldn't be any kind of stupid wall standing between us. We would have defied everything and everyone who would even dare think of try and separate us.
He doesn't love me, does he?

Then why would he even bother to lend me that chemistry book; implying that I could improve my knowledge in Organic Chemistry with the help of that book when I went to their house last night? Why?? What's more; I didn't even ask for it.
"Here. Try study Organic Chem from this one. You will find it much easier," he said to me while placing the book on the table beside me.
"Ok," I replied back. Then he mumbled another thing which I couldn't catch because he had food inside his mouth while he was talking. He does that all the time!
I said, "Ok" anyway. Again. Just to annoy him. Boys hate it when girls reply with single words during conversations. Hell... I didn't even say "Thank you" after his seweet(?) gesture let alone showing any kind of gratitude. It was only fair that he got irritated and left me to my own devices.