drafts & thoughts

wish u could see it's been a rough ride

It's been a tough time
with all of its ups and downs, it can't be on purpose I always end up in the same place.

Yet you believe it so harshly. Judge firmly, as if I could change everything with a rearrangement of my beliefs, my fears, my abilities, of my mind.

I know you would love to get inside my brain,
and change all of its cables
reach the time when it's all over,
when I've healed.
Even though we don't know yet if that's possible.

You don't even wonder who I would be without this fear;
I could be a monster, identityless, destroyed, fascinated, a punch in the gut.
It scares me,
how much of me this is.
Even though you swear it's hurting me
I can assure you it's supporting my whole mind.

Too many tries, you're growing tired.
I can't blame you, because I would too.

But trying to understand how I feel, 
that's stupid.
Even if this snaps me into small pieces,
the inside doesn't show anything there isn't anything to show, there is nothing.