drafts & thoughts

when I write

When I write, I write everything but what's mine;
I'll write this love and this anger when I haven't felt it yet.
When I read it, I will feel scared, and change it all over again.

The next time I write, I write all that's mine:
I'll write that fear, disgust, and disappointment.
When I read it, I will remember that I prefer everything that isn't mine.

I will try to change the course of the ink; 
a million times.
But it won't be enough. I will keep chasing all that isn't mine, and spilling all that is.
Let my hand guide me through the paper;
I can't control these words as they run like tears.
As this hand bleeds through these pathetically written words.

I'll cry in my room, and I will write.
I'll scream in this street, and I will write.
I'll feel the weight of my body, and I will write.
I won't hope, but I will write.