Vampire Next Door ⋆⟡⋆ Miguel O'Hara x reader

Ch. 19 a peek into his mind 𖡼⋆｡

Inspired by Enhypen's song, "Bills" ❦︎

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Miguel's mother wasn't gentle. His personality attests to that.

She was abusive, resentful, lacked any empathy, just overall shitty. Not much of a mother at all.

Miguel didn't thrive at home, but he did thrive at school.

Though he was sarcastic, talked back to any authority (to be fair, he usually had a point), and had a hell of a mouth on him, his teachers gave him the validation his mother didn't—academic validation.

He was a genius, really, and school was his distraction from the hell hole he lived in.

High school was far too slow-paced for him. And university, he found slightly challenging, but when he looked around to see everybody else was really struggling, having breakdowns, begging for his tutoring, he realized he found his courses quite easy. He realized he was different...

socially and academically.

He's only ever had three friends, Vel being one of them.

He surprisingly found a friend in the hard-shelled vigilante, an acquaintance, someone he could banter with, argue, fight. They were there for each other.

Is it impossible to turn back time? No time.

So when he realized in addition to you possibly being hung up on some girl you used to live with, his own acquaintance had made a move on you, he came in swinging.

He reflects, remembers:

"I know you already hate me... already don't trust me, but I need to tell you something else," you muttered.

"Dios, what?"

"Vel... has been flirting with me. When you left, after she hurt herself, she... she kind of admitted her feelings to me."

"Vel? Vel. Vel as in Velvet, Vel as in—"

"Yes, Mig. The only Vel we both know."

"Vel?"

"Oh god."

"After I cleaned up her messes, after I patched up her knee? After I—"

"I know."

"And you did what? You said what?"

"I was kind of in shock, and I know— I can't believe I didn't see it coming... I just, I said I wanted you, and that's when she brought her up. She said you were in the way like my roommate's boyfriend was. Struck a nerve, struck several, so I left."

One day, the invoice that you stuck on me, the pain that became my share,

He nods.

"Funny. Thought you were still hung up on her, thought you were going to abandon me and move back with her, meanwhile, the only real threat was my own fucking friend. Adds up."

I'm sure I paid for it.

He shakes his head, forehead resting on his own big hands. He doesn't look up at you.

****

He realizes he has mommy issues, abandonment issues, every issue in the book really.

Getting closer to you scared him. He worried he was a burden, that you'd have to deal with all of the weight that came with him. But you were reassuring, seemed like you could handle it, like you wanted to handle it.

You made him trust again, made him a better person.

He sits on the fire escape, slouched, head hung in thought.

It takes everything in him not to go to your bedroom window, just right there, he wouldn't argue, he'd just embrace you. It'll fix everything he thinks.

But he doesn't. Instead, he sits, continues to think.

He never really had space for insecurity, or reason for it really, being at the top of the class with no threats ever, made him secure in himself, gave him a strong sense of confidence.

Besides... maybe the insecurity stemming from the rejection and neglect from his mother—but he refused to count that. He accepted their fucked relationship at a young age, and decided he'd become smart, build his way out of there. Fuck her. He didn't need her. It was a lost cause,

but you, he could never give up on you. He does need you.

New emotions, love, being loved by you, this, however, brought forth a new sense of insecurity.

For once, he didn't have control over everything, over himself. 

He seeks your love, attention, wants to make you feel loved, understood, and the idea that you could find someone else to do that, made him insecure, made his heart race, body temperature hot.

Maybe his mom did have something to do with this, Vel always said so anyway. Maybe for once she was right. He feared you'd abandon him—emotionally, physically—the way the one person in the world who was meant to love him abandoned him.

He wonders how he—

Your window slides open. He turns back to see you. You look exhausted—he hates to think he's to blame—tired, and still beautiful.

"Y/n."

"Miguel."

The sad way you say his name makes his stomach drop. You sit on your window sill, fiddling with your jacket.

"I've been thinking."

I thought about it, it's not paid.

He looks up at you, desperate to know what you think.

"Maybe... maybe we need a break, maybe we just need time apart," you say, weakly.

He exhales, like he's been punched in the stomach.

You continue, "Maybe I'm still not healed from her, and I know—I see that it hurts you."

You sniffle, tears rolling down. You rest your head against the brick wall.

"I don't want to let you go," you sob, gently.

He wants to hug you, but it'll only make this harder.

The price of parting keeps getting more and more expensive. I just wanna let it go.

Maybe he deserves to be abandoned. Maybe you'll both hurt less this way.

Why don't you just let me go?

He wonders if this is permanent, if it's really the end, but it only makes him feel dizzy. He stands up, wipes the tears he didn't realize were falling, and gives you one last look,

"If that's what you want."

The right price I only learned through tears.

｡‧₊°♱༺𓆩❦︎𓆪༻♱

ughhh angst

anyways yeah shocker I'm an Engene ❀*ੈ go stream Romance: Untold

time-skip chapter coming soon ₊ʚïɞ