Take my hand, take my whole life too

stay a bit longer, please?

[5th January, 2024]
Henry decided to crochet a sailor moon inspired hat with the flags of America and Britain as knots for the braids. Alex says he absolutely hates it and will not wear it in public no matter what happens.

They're at the appointment for the first round of chemotherapy, and yes, he is wearing that hat. Nothing a bit of pouting from Henry's side can't achieve. But he knew too, that he has to find the little happiness he can in these hard moments with his husband. So no matter how silly this whole thing seems, he's doing it for himself and for Henry.

Alex is chatty and talkative at the starting of the round but 15 minutes in he falls asleep while he's holding Henry's hand. Chemo really exhausts a person, eh? But he needed that rest to recover properly.

Henry doesn't consider himself a very religious man, considering that the church absolutely hates him for being gay. But if loving Alex was a sin, he was ready to see the gates of hell if it meant the love of his life would be with him. Heaven couldn't compare to his smile, could it? But today, Henry’s lips are moving in a silent prayer, a prayer for the man he loves. He wishes all of his husband's pain gets transferred to him, as it would hurt less than seeing the man he loves in pain.

He prays to his father that his husband doesn't have the same destiny as him.

By the time Alex is awake, his limbs have gone limp and Henry has to practically carry him out, but he's not complaining a bit, he's willing to do anything for him.

[1st February, 2024]
The thing Henry was half prepared and half unprepared for, were the after effects of chemotherapy. He knew what happens, he knew all the symptoms too. But at that time, he felt like he was in his mother's shoes and that his perspective was completely different from the one of a son as compared to the one of a partner. His mother shielded him from most of Arthur's bad symptoms, but now he had to see it all.
It started with his dark circles getting more prominent and losing a shit ton of weight, and eventually as the sessions went on, spiralled to trembling of hands and coughing and vomiting up blood. The first time it happened, Henry was mortified, seeing blood run down his throat. He called the doctor at 3 am that day but all he got as a response was that it “sometimes happens”.

He's currently at the doctor's office sitting beside Alex, waiting for the screening reports to come back.

Their doctor, Miss Farnaz Najafi, enters the cabin where they're both sitting.

“What is the update, doctor?” Alex leans his elbows on his knees, anxious about her answer. She sighs deeply and before she can say anything Henry cuts her off “is it bad news?” He asks and she half nods at him.
“Well, the cancer has started spreading to the liver and the intestines as well, and the tumour has gotten bigger. I think we should introduce radiation therapy as well as chemotherapy.” She says with a serious face and Henry tries to act like he's calm hearing this but he really isn't. “I don't mean to scare you but pancreatic cancer is a really stubborn bug, it's all a game of luck”.

“What do you mean, Farnaz?” Alex asks, not caring for the pleasantries at the moment. “What I'm saying is…” she sighs and takes in a deep breath “if radiation is unable to control the growth, I'm afraid I'd have to give you a time limit”.

Alex is visibly confused hearing this but Henry knows all the technicalities, he'd heard them when he was 16, and he's hearing them again now when he's 26, but the pain still stings the same.

“Cut out the bullshit, we both know what's the truth. So please give me a date?” Henry half yells at her, forgoing his posh accent.

She is taken aback by his behaviour, but understands the reason and answers “June, June is the time I'm giving you” she answers staying as composed as she possibly can and after she does, she gets up and leaves to avoid breaking down in front of a patient.

Alex understands what it means now, and allows himself to cry as well. If he has little time, he wants to spend it all with Henry and his family.

As they sit in their car, they both lean on each other and cry for almost 2 hours.