If I Ain't Got You

35 - Pain and Love

"Good Morning Mommy. Dada dropped me here" Cza is already sitting beside me with her bright smile. "Mommy Ninang. Dada Daniel and Mama Kath said you are mad to Tito Alex still. You know what, when I was at his house I saw of you two together . Can you reconcile? Next month when Mama and Dada go back to LA i am going with them na. Sorry Mommy Ninang I will have to leave you" she hugged me. I hugged her back.

Simula naging International actors sina Kath at DJ iniwan na nila sakin at kay Janell si Cza. Halinhinan kami sa pag aalaga. "Czarinna Danielle, i love you and i will miss you. For now, let's have breakfast. Let's go."

Nauna na sya tumakbo palabas ng room tapos narinig ko ang fone ko. Someone's calling "Hello Mae? What is it?" "Baka pwede ka pumunta dito sa ++++ hospital? Alex kasi" ibinaba ko kaagad ang fone ko at dumeretso sa dining. May kausap si Cza tapos umiyak na sakin "mommy. Tito alex. Let's go to him" hinila hila nya ako. Whatto do? "We'll go to Tito. But we'll have breakfast first okay?"

Pumunta kaming hospital si alex, yun tulog nagpakalunod ata to sa alak. "Tito wake up. Mommy is here. Titoooo" dumating si Janell at inilabas si Cza. Kaya naiwan ako na nagbabantay kay Alex. "Alex wake up ... Hey Alexander" okay chienna para kang baliw. Naupo na ako sa may chair sa harap ng tv at nanuod na lang ng naruto. Habang nanunuod dumating si Mae. Naupo sya sa tabi ni Alex. "Chie. Apple." "Thanks Mae. Ikaw nagdala sa kanya dito?" "Oo. Si nadine tumawag sakin. Sanay nako. Akala namin okay na sya e. Bakit ganon. Nakita ka lang nya miserable na naman sya? Ui di kita sinisisi ha. Sya naman yung umalis e. Alam nya kasi yung galit mo at ang dami nang problema mo kaya ayaw nyang mahirapan ka pa . Believe me, he wanted to stay. He did. Nasa tagaytay lang sya" "i know he was there. I was there." Bumalik ako sa panunuod ng Naruto alam kong naguluhan si Mae pero di ko na sya kinausap ulit. Di rin sya nangulit.

"Chienna? Nasan si Chienna?" "Tuwing ba mahohospital ka sya ng sya ang una mong hahanapin? Ay nako. Wala dito!" Sabi ni Mae. Medyo malayo kasi ako. Tumingin sya sakin at sinenyasan ako lumapit. "De joke lang. O eto na sya" sabi ni mae at hinila ako "iwan ko na kayo" and she left us. And if you're wondering Cza's whereabouts, she's with janell. Sinama na ni Janell sa tour ni Jerome. Iiyak lang ung dito e

"You're here." Alex said with tears and disbelief "sinamahan ko si Cza but Janell took her naman. Aalis na sana ako when Mae came kaso tinatapos ko pa ang naruto." He held my hand "let's talk" he said and i took my hand "you should have said that before you left me. You should have not raced with me in Tagaytay and let my car bump. But you didnt. Now you are asking for it?" He looked confused "yaaah. You left me at the presscon. Remember? In tagaytay i was following your car and you raced with me. I bumped" "i didnt know it was you" "whatever. I'll go" "please stay" "didnt i beg you that?" "I was scared of what the people has to say" "you're weak" "i wanted to protect you" "i broke" "i still love you Siopao" My heart melted and i started to cry "Alex. You want to protect me, right? Then dont go back to my life for you to ruin again. We're both successful now in our own fields so please? Enough."

I left him in the room and found Mae standing outside she hugged me when I went out and I cried harder "Chie. Mahal mo paba sya?" "Hindi na. Iniwan nya ako. Sinaktan at patuloy sinasaktan" i said and she started to cry too "kung di mo na sya mahal bakit nasasaktan ka pa? Chienna naman. Alam natin pareho yung totoo. He loves you so much that your mere presence hurts him. He never failed to watch you and never failed to cry everytime he does." "Bat nya pa ako pinapanuod?" We started walking till we reached the cafeteria. "He loves you that much that its okay for him to get hurt just to see you. He would bear all the pain because seeing you gives him strenght." "Pano mo alam?" "I was with him all these time. Come with me"

We left the cafeteria and went to the parking lot. She took a box and gave it to me "ang bigat" i said
"I know. Open it when you're ready. I have to go back to Alex"

Alex's POV.

"Hoy. Ano yan? Ay nakooo. Duguan ka na?! Bakit mo inalis yan? Fix yourself nga. Wait. Hold on. Nurse. Baliw yung pasyente dito. Tinanggal dextrose nya" pumasok si Nurse at inayos yung dextrose ko "pasaway" sabi ni mae at sinapak ako pagkaalis ni nurse "alex. Nabigay ko na kay Chie ung box. Weak ka kasi" "fck! Seriously?" Nag nod at smile lang sya. Am i lucky to have this girl as my bestfriend wow. "I hate you Mae." "I hate you too. Youmade her cry again.. kain na uwi muna ako. Balik ako mamaya. Nag text si Mama e. Bye"

I am alone again. I took my pen and paper and started to make a letter to Chienna.

Chienna Lopez. Hi. I wonder if you have opened the box that MAe handed to you or if you have read my letters. I just want to say sorry for the pain I caused you again. I am back to show business. Our family business is good. I have a lot of things to be proud of and share with you. I wanted to make you proud. In doing all the things I did. I am always thinking of you and now i want to say that my success is all for you. But all these things means nothing now cause I aint got you anymore. I love you and maybe you are right in order for me to protect you I should leave you. I am so sorry for all that I caused you. I love you. Good bye.
Your Kit Alexander. Yah, im yours. Now and forever.

I put the letter at the bedside table, closed ny eyes and tears started to flow