Edge of seventeen

Chapter 61

The next day rolled around, and I was still feeling the sting of Asher's cold shoulder. Every time I caught sight of him in the hall, my stomach twisted, and my heart sank a little deeper. It was like there was this unspoken wall between us, one that I wasn't sure I could ever break down. I hated it. I fucking hated every second of it.

But life goes on, right? Even when it feels like your chest is being ripped apart. So I dragged myself to class, trying to ignore the gaping hole in my chest.

Science class used to be one of my favorites, not because I gave a damn about the subject, but because Asher and I would partner up. We'd mess around, make stupid jokes, and somehow still manage to pull off decent grades. But now? Now it was just another reminder of how far apart we'd drifted.

I usually worked alone these days. It was better than awkwardly trying to find someone else to pair up with. But as I walked into the classroom that morning, I noticed Adrian, the cute nerd from the nurse's office, waving at me. At first, I wasn't sure it was me he was calling over, but when he gestured again, there was no mistaking it. He wanted to partner up.

I hesitated. My first instinct was to tell him no, that I preferred working alone. But then I thought about Asher, about how he'd walked out of my life like I didn't even matter. If he could shut me out and act like I didn't exist, then why the hell should I hold on to the idea that he was the only one who could be close to me?

So I forced a smile and walked over to Adrian. "Hey," I said, trying to sound more upbeat than I felt. "You need a partner?"

"Yeah," Adrian replied, grinning. "And I figured you could use one too, since you've been flying solo lately."

I chuckled, appreciating how easy it was to talk to him. "You're not wrong."

We got to work on the project, and it turned out that Adrian was not only smart but pretty damn funny, too. He had this dry sense of humor that caught me off guard, making me laugh more than I had in weeks. For a little while, I forgot about all the shit with Asher and just enjoyed myself.

As we worked, Adrian started calling me by a nickname: "Ell." It was casual, offhanded, like it was the most natural thing in the world. But hearing that name from someone other than Asher hit me like a ton of bricks. My gut reaction was to tell him to stop, that only one person could call me that. But then I remembered how Asher hadn't bothered to see me when I was sick, how he'd been so distant and cold.

If Asher could pretend I didn't matter, then maybe I needed to stop holding on so tightly. So I let Adrian call me "Ell," even though it felt like I was betraying something, someone. Maybe I was just trying to convince myself that I could move on too.

We finished the project with time to spare, and Adrian even managed to impress me with how well we worked together. It felt good, in a way, to have someone else to rely on, to joke with, to feel normal around.

As class ended and we packed up our stuff, Adrian gave me a playful nudge. "See? Told you we'd make a good team."

"Yeah, we did alright," I replied, smirking.

"Alright?" Adrian scoffed, raising an eyebrow. "Come on, Ell. We killed it."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Yeah, okay. We did."

As we walked out of the classroom, I realized something: I was smiling. Genuinely smiling. It wasn't the same as it used to be with Asher, but it wasn't bad either. Adrian was different, but he was good company, and maybe that was what I needed right now.

But even as I tried to focus on the positives, there was still that ache in my chest, the one that wouldn't go away. Because no matter how good things were with Adrian, no matter how much fun I had, there was still a part of me that couldn't forget about Asher. About what we had, and how I'd managed to fuck it all up.

And as much as I tried to push those thoughts away, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just filling a void. That no matter how much I laughed with Adrian, no matter how many times he called me "Ell," it wouldn't change the fact that the person I really wanted was slipping further and further away.

But for now, I'd take what I could get. Maybe this was the start of something new, or maybe it was just a way to numb the pain. Either way, I wasn't about to let myself drown in the past. Not when there was someone right in front of me, trying to make me feel like I mattered.

And who knows? Maybe Adrian was exactly what I needed to move on. Or maybe he was just another distraction. Only time would tell.