Edge of seventeen

Chapter 64

The days following the accident were slow and filled with tension, but Elliot was grateful for the company. His leg was in a cast, his arm bandaged up, and every movement sent a dull ache through his body. Despite that, he couldn't help but notice how either Asher or Adrian was always there, taking turns to take care of him. They didn't say much about what had happened, but the air between them was thick with unresolved feelings.

One afternoon, Asher was in Elliot's dorm room, sorting through the medications and making sure everything was in order. The silence between them was almost comfortable, but there was something nagging at the back of Elliot's mind. He shifted in his bed, wincing slightly as his leg protested.

"Asher?" Elliot's voice was tentative, almost hesitant. He didn't want to bring it up, didn't want to sound like he was fishing for pity, but he needed to know. "Why didn't you come to see me when I was in the nurse's office that day?"

Asher froze for a moment, his hand hovering over the pill bottle he was about to pick up. He didn't turn around immediately, taking a breath before responding. "Elliot, it wasn't because I didn't care. Trust me, it wasn't that at all."

"Then what was it?" Elliot pressed, trying to keep his tone light but failing. He could feel the anxiety creeping up on him, his heart beating a little faster. "I mean, I thought... I don't know. I just thought you'd be there."

Asher finally turned around, his expression conflicted. He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, careful not to disturb Elliot's leg. "I didn't come because... well, I was scared," Asher admitted, his voice quieter than usual. "Not scared of seeing you, but scared of what seeing you would do to me."

Elliot furrowed his brow, confusion mixing with curiosity. "What do you mean?"

Asher sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't come because I was scared of how much I still care about you, even after everything that's happened. Seeing you in pain, seeing you like that... it would've brought up all the shit I've been trying to push down. I needed space, Elliot. Space to figure out if I could still handle being around you without it tearing me apart."

Elliot's heart sank. He hadn't expected that. He knew he'd hurt Asher, knew that things between them had gotten complicated, but hearing it laid out like that made it all feel so much more real.

"Asher... I'm sorry," Elliot whispered, his voice thick with regret. "I never meant to hurt you like that. I know I fucked up. I know I was playing with your feelings, and I know that's messed up. But when you asked me to be your boyfriend, I freaked out."

Asher looked at him, his eyes searching Elliot's face. "Why?"

"Because," Elliot began, his throat tightening as he tried to find the right words. "Because I was scared too. Scared of fucking things up, scared of losing what we had. I've never been good at relationships, Ash. I didn't want to ruin us, didn't want to destroy our friendship if things went south. I thought I was protecting us by saying no, but I guess I just made everything worse."

Asher's expression softened, the tension in his shoulders easing just a bit. "You should've told me that, Elliot. We could've talked about it, figured things out together. But instead, you shut me out."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Elliot said, his voice cracking slightly. "I should've been honest with you, but I was so damn scared of losing you. And now look where we are."

Asher was quiet for a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor. "I'm not saying I forgive you completely, but I get it now. We both messed up, didn't we?"

Elliot nodded, feeling a small, bittersweet smile tug at his lips. "Yeah, we did. But maybe we can start fixing things, you know? I don't want to lose you, Ash."

Asher finally looked up, meeting Elliot's eyes. There was still hurt there, still a lot left unsaid, but there was also a glimmer of something hopeful. "I don't want to lose you either, Ell."

They sat there in silence for a few moments, the weight of their conversation hanging in the air. It wasn't a perfect resolution, and there was still a lot to work through, but for the first time in a long while, Elliot felt like they were moving in the right direction.