love you too

old and new

harry.

          oh, god. Oh my fucking god. Just got back from Snape's torture hour and I don't want to go into the common room. I don't want to see what's inside. What if all I see is crying? Not a party? What if I messed up with this team? It will all be my fault. My fault that I sassed at Snape and couldn't hold my tounge. 

          If I had been there, maybe we could have had a better shot. Ok but what am I saying. What if we won. What if Gryffindor won. With Ginny as seeker and Ron as keeper and Demelza as beater? I mean, those kids are pretty good. I don't want to go in. Do I have to? Yes, Harry, you do. You sleep there. Maybe come back tommorow? See how is it going. But what if its good? But what if it's bad. I have got to stop. Just go in. It is going to be alright. 

ginny.

             we won. We did it. By so much, it's incredible the ravenclaws didn't start crying. Yes, I am sometimes mean. OH well. Anyways. Harry wasn't here, but before he left, he gave me a hug. Not like a friendly one. A cute hug lasts 1-2 second. No, this was LONG. I think, maybe ten seconds. That's a lot (in some departments, in others, not). And idk, I just feel stupid. I make everything about him. I think about him all the time, even more than Taylor. Yes, I am also a swiftie. Go die if you don't like it. And I think about Taylor a lot. New theories and songs and blah blah. 

          But now Harry is on my mind. WHy? I don't like blushing and feeling a bit shy and kicking my feet whenever I talk to him. It makes me feel weak. Another thing to add in therapy. Damn, I really need to book a million session. So besides my incapability to accept and show affection, I feel stupid. I get it when Tay says "I feel so high school, every time i look at you. I want to find you in a crowd just to hide from you." It isn't her best and most profound lyricism, but SHE JUST GETS IT. I do want to hide but also be seen when he is around. And it doesn't help when he is around a lot. I don't know why, he just is. Spawns out of nowhere. It's getting annoying.

           SEE? I was talking about how we won the quidditch cup but all I can think about is him. And his lips, and Hair. And eyes. And smile. And scar. And laugh. DAMN YOU HARRY POTTER. Oh my god. Oh no. I think I just summoned him. He is right here in front of me. he just got in the common room. Wait. What is happening. Why is my body running. I do not want to run. Stop. Ginny stop. Body, why won't you listen?! Oh god he is closer. Ok now I am hugging him.

third all-knowing person (me).

they hugged. In a way which cannot be described. It was like coming home. Like falling into your bed after a long day. Like realizing this was where you were supposed to be all along. They didn't see that though. They didn't see eachother's smile or look in their eyes. They couldn't have known what the other was thinking. They couldn't have known this was how it started.

Anybody who would have been passing by would have thought they were lovers. Soulmates, maybe.  That they have been like this forever. And they would not have been entirely wrong. It was fate. Long knows to the few who could see. The ones who observed, the quiet ones, who weren't noticed by souls. Bugs on the wall were noticed more than them. But in a way, the bugs and the forgotten were the same. Wanted to disappear, wanted to be history that the books would not say. So, those who knew, the ones who understood, knew what was coming. 

You know too what is coming. It is a trope. You know the cliche thing. They kiss. Yes, they do. Sorry this is not full of happiness and exclamation points. But I want to talk about something else.  A kiss is just a kiss. You can go  up now on the street and kiss the first person you see, but please don't. Social rules and consent. What I want to say is, kissing is just an action. But if you have read books or watched decent movies, you see what makes them special. Not the lips part. The emotion part. What makes a kiss special? Do you want to do it? Is it something you dreamed about? Is it a rush of the moment or a calculated action? The more you think about it, the weirder it gets. The part of our body which we eat with is now one of the most intimate parts. Why? Who thought like that? And still, sometimes, it's all people can talk about. Very boring, may I add. 

The special part of this particular kiss was that Harry was blindsided by an emotion he couldn't put his finger on. He wanted for so long to kiss the red-headed girl, but he didn't have a plan. It was so quick and an adrenaline-fuelled  action, but also something he had thought about for weeks. So, the kiss, at least for Harry, didn't fall into the categories society created. It was new. It was special. When we defy something, it suddenly becomes boring. Because we love everything new. The new pair of shoes or markers. That's why we hate ourselves. Our reflection, our body, our hair, teeth and smile. It is the oldest thing we have. 

When we love something, it is because it is new. When it isn't shiny anymore, we toss it out or try to change it. Only time will tell if those two will conform to that pattern. They kissed in front of everyone. Something out of character for the both of them. But very in, when they were together. I have talked enough. We need to see what they thought too. Don't you think?