𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄

Chapter - 20

Nothing can be hurtful for the child when he never get the appreciation for his hard work from his parents 

●・○・●・○・●

SIYA

I was sitting with Kashish and dadi. They both are asking me about my in-laws and Digvijay.

But to my surprise my sister is taking so much interest in  Sohan bhai.

Suddenly, Papa came and put something in front of me. It was a sweet Box.

He was not there when I came and I didn't talk with my mother. She tried but I ignored her.

He was about to touch my head but I back off and was going to upstairs but stop hearing my mother’s words

“Siya, tu kis baat ka itna ghamand dikha rahi hai? Bade Ghar ki Bahu ban gayi hai is baat ka? I can't believe that my mother was saying this to me.

“KAMLA! Tu jakar kaam kar apna” My father shouted at her.

I was in tears. How can she think about me? I am her daughter. I have so many things inside me. I was burning from inside. This silent suffering was eating me.

“Sahi kaha maa me ghamdi hu. Kyunki mere mummy or papa ne jabardasti meri shadi mujhse 12 saal bade ladke se bina uske bare me Jane, Bina meri ray Jane, shadi karwa di. Or me ghamandi hun” I shouted at her.

Everyone was looking at me. Kashish tries to stop me but I jerk her hand. 

“Aaj nahi to kabhi nahi kashish” I told her. 

“Beta, us waqt halat aise hi the” my father was saying but I cut him.

“Who am I to you papa? Kuch nahi, bas aapke ghar ki badi beti. Jo dimag se pedal hai. Jo aapki izzat par kala dhabba Laga chuki hai. Jo aapki najro me khatkati hai. Jo aap par bojh hai.” I yelled at him while tears were flowing from my eyes.

“He looked at me and shook his head. Today he looks so different and so valuable but today I want to take it out.

“Siya, agar aur kuch boli na to mujhse bura koi nahi hoga. Kya kami ki hai hamne? Are na hote hue bhi sab diya hai. Baki bachho ko dekho kese ji rhe hai” my mother said.

“Vahi to maa aagr aapne dusre ke bachho ki jagah apne bacho ko dekh hota to shyad baat alg hoti”

I wiped my face with the back of my palm and looked at her.

“Kya lagta hai maa aapko that I don't know anything. I STILL GET NIGHTMARE ABOUT THAT MAN MAA. Or aapne kya Kiya th? You didn't trust me, you beat me until I passed out. I was a 4 year child who didn't know anything but still faced the consequences of someone else's sin. That man is still wondering freely but what about me? He molested me. He threatened me that he would tell my mother about this. I was too scared of your beating and I accepted it. But when I told you about that thing you beat me because I didn't tell you anything. Maa I was just a 4 year old child. Jise aapke pyar ki jarurat thi, aapke sath ki jarurat thi but you pushed me". I was in tears. My father was shading tears. 

“You papa, from that time you started hating me, beating me. You just consider kashish your daughter. I still remember how you were giving money to kashish on her birthday and I was looking at you, that you will give me money also but you shouted at me and made me run away. But Kashish shared snacks with me. My achievement was nothing to you. You always yell at me on just a small matter. Because of you I become like a scared cat who always gets scared of your High pitch voice, but you never care. I lost my confidence. I didn't talk to anybody but you didn't care. She is a silent child but you made me a silent child. I cry all night while hiding my face in a blanket but you never care. I got new books from school, when I showed you my books because I was so excited  but you threw them in my face. I cried so much. You did Discrimination between kashish and me”. I let out what was in my mind.

“You love me, bus yahi bolkr khud ko heal Kiya hai mene. Jis Umar me bachhe bahr khelte hai nayi chijen explore karte hai us Umar me harassment kya hota, or anxiety ka samna kiya hai mene. Lekin aapne kya Kiya? You blame me, are bhai 4 saal ki thi me. pta hai mujhe you both wanted a son but unfortunately got two daughters." Today I just let out what was deep buried inside me.

“Papa bahar ke logo se jyada mujhe aap se dar lagta hai kahi aap mujh par chilla na do. You never care where, when, who is in front of you, you just shouted at me. I lost my self confidence. Parents always say that they have made many sacrifices for their children. I respect that papa but did you ever ask me what I sacrificed for you. Mummy ko acha nahi lagta tha isliye me kabhi kisi friend ke ghar nahi. Mummy ko mere chote kapde pehna pasand nahi hai to nhi pahle. Jesa bola vese kiya, maa jo bola vese rhi lekin in sab me, me kaha hu, kaha hu me” I sat on my knees while crying.

“Baap gussa karta hai isliye vo sabko bura lagta hai, lekin sabse jyada dukh vahi sahta hai. Tu jaanna chahti h is baap ne kya kiya hai tere liye. Jab Tera sath vo sab hua I lost my control and hit you but he tried to fight for you. We are poor so nobody listens to us. That man threatened us that he would kill you. To save you we moved from there. He distances himself from you because your face reminds him that he failed as a father. I accept he is a violent person and he regrets his act. He didn't want you to marry Digvijay but he has to because your uncle threatened him that he will kill our daughters and will tell everybody about that accident which happened with you. It can make you safer in society, that's why he has to do it.” I listened to my mother's words but this shocking revelation froze me.

I can't take it. It's too much for me. I just want to disappear from this world without thinking twice. I ran away from my house. 

I don't know where I was going, rain was pouring on me. My mother words were ringing in my head. 

How can I stop so low? I just accused my father but what about my suffering? which I have faced from childhood. My childhood was ruined 

I just want my parents to hug me and tell me that they love me. They are proud of me and not disgusted by me. I always saw hate in my father's eyes. Is there love behind it? I wanted to die. I can't take it anymore. No one wants me. No one is there for me. 

●・○・●・○・●

Are you crying? I cried 😭 so much while writing it. It happened guys knowing or unknowingly our parents hurt us. I have faced some thing which siya told her father. It hard to heal ourselves when your self is broken 💔 I healed myself to face these things. Chalo emotional ho gaya sab kuch Vote karo, comment karo dosto. ❤️

Love you all