The Colonial Heart ✓ (Editing)

Chapter 35

                                A M A

The world around us seemed to fade into obscurity, leaving only the two of us, suspended in a sea of heartache. My heart shattered into a million pieces as our eyes met, the electricity we once shared now reduced to mere sparks. "You have no idea how sorry I am,"William whispered, his voice low and raspy, like the gentle lapping of waves on a deserted shore.

His appearance was a testament to his inner turmoil - his hair disheveled, his blue eyes pale and sunken, with dark circles etched beneath them like bruises. His once rosy cheeks now seemed drained of color, his cheekbones more defined, a stark reminder of the weight he had lost. I swallowed a sob, determined not to reveal my vulnerability.

"You are correct, I have no idea, and I do not wish to know," I replied, my voice devoid of emotion, a fragile shield against the tidal wave of feelings threatening to engulf me. The air was heavy with unspoken words, each one a reminder of what could never be.

As I turned to leave, William's hand closed around mine, his touch sending shivers coursing through my veins like a gentle breeze on a summer's day. "Do not make this more complicated than it has to be William," I whispered, my voice trembling like a leaf.

But he drew me closer, ignoring my protests, his breath warm against my neck, his words a gentle caress. "I have been consumed by the thought of what I took from you... I thought they killed you... I thought I killed you. I was terrified, unable to bear the weight of my actions." His voice cracked with emotion, each word a poignant reminder of his sorrow.

I felt suffocated by the emotions threatening to overwhelm me, my heart heavy with the weight of his words. "Then why did you deceive me all this while?," I asked, my voice barely audible.

William's embrace tightened, his lips brushing against my ear. "I do not know... Perhaps it was because I did not want you to see me as an enemy... or maybe I wanted you to love me, to see beyond the lies and the titles and just...love me.' His voice was unsteady, each word a testament to his vulnerability.

I could smell the hint of alcohol and cigarettes on his breath, a poignant reminder of his desperation. "Why did you want me to love you? Do you not see I am nothing but a commoner?" I asked, my voice laced with sorrow.

William's response was a gentle whisper, his words a soft caress. "In my eyes, you are a goddess... from the moment I saw you, I knew I had fallen helplessly in love with you... I am addicted to your laughter, your smile... I want nothing but you, nothing but us."

As he spoke, his words wove a spell around me, a fragile thread of hope in a tapestry of heartache. I felt my resolve weakening, my heart torn asunder by the conflicting emotions that ravaged me. I was lost, adrift in a sea of sorrow, with no anchor to hold onto.

I felt as though a dozen needles had pierced my heart and soul, inflicting agony with each deliberate, slow and steady thrusts. The pain was excruciating, yet its source remained elusive, leaving me helpless to tend to the wound festering deep within. "You betrayed me, lied to me, killed me," I sobbed, my voice trembling with anguish.

William's eyes, brimming with tears, locked onto mine, his face etched with sorrow. "I will fix it, I will make you happier than you have ever been before," he whispered, but I pushed him away, his words an affront to the devastation he had wrought. "You cannot!" I hissed, my voice venomous and unforgiving.

His gaze fell, and tears streamed down his cheeks, further lacerating my heart. "You took my mother, innocent lives, homes, lands, and livelihoods," I accused, my words a litany of his transgressions. "Leave my lands, take your men, and never return!"

The words hung in the air like a challenge, a gauntlet thrown at William's feet. The silence that followed was oppressive, heavy with unspoken emotions. Time itself seemed to stretch, like a canvas pulled taut, waiting for the brushstroke of fate.

William's eyes, once bright with hope, now dimmed, like stars extinguished by the dawn. His face, once strong and resolute, now crumpled, like a leaf torn from its branch. The silence between us grew, a chasm deepening with each passing moment.

And then, like a whispered secret, William's voice broke the stillness. "Is that...what you truly want?" The words were hesitant, a gentle probing of the wounds I had inflicted.

The silence that followed was a palpable thing, a living, breathing entity that pulsed with the weight of our emotions. I felt the question settle upon me, like a shroud cast over my soul.

I had yearned for those British soldiers and their workers to leave, to depart from our lands and cease their cruel grasp on our people. But as for William, my desire was different - I longed for him to stay, to remain with me, to be the one exception to the fate that had driven the others to oppress and harm. Yet, I knew that such a dream was impossible, for his presence was inextricably linked to the pain and suffering of our people.

I inhaled deeply, the air filling my lungs like a promise of resolve. My gaze met William's, our eyes locking in a silent understanding. The moment stretched, a fragile thread of tension binding us together. And then, with a quiet conviction that shook me to my core, I spoke the word that would seal our fate:

"Yes."

The syllable hung in the air like a whispered secret, a solitary note that echoed through the chambers of my heart. In that instant, I felt the weight of my decision settle upon me, a crushing gravity that threatened to consume me whole. It was as if I had surrendered a part of myself, a vital piece of my soul, to the abyss of our shattered love. The simplicity of that single word belied the magnitude of its consequences, a truth that reverberated within me like a death knell.

"Then, as you wish," William whispered, his voice laced with the anguish of a heart wounded beyond repair. I felt the ache of his pain, a piercing sorrow that resonated deep within my core. His hands, once warm and embracing, now released their gentle hold, leaving me chilled and bereft. The emptiness that followed was a hollow echo of what we once shared.

With a quiet dignity that belied the turmoil within, William spoke his parting words: "I only wish to see you happy, and I hope this brings you solace. Yet, know that you will forever be etched on my heart , a bittersweet reminder of what could never be." With that, he vanished from the room, leaving me shattered and alone.

I wiped away the tears that streamed down my face attempting to compose myself. I waited for the silence of his footsteps to assure me of his departure. Then, with a heavy heart, I left the room after I was sure he was far from me, my footsteps a mournful echo of the love we had lost.

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