Heal me

13

Next morning you again stood in front of Rhysand's office, playing with your fingers nervously. Last night you were so sure about this, but just as expected your courage winded out until morning.

Closing eyes you took a few deep breaths and before you could think it over you knocked. The answer came immediately.

The doors opened and you walked in. Rhysand welcomed you with a tight smile. He seemed to be nervous just as much as you. Behind him on the chair you were seated on last night, sat Azriel, his wings tucked to his back, shoulders ridiculously tense. He nodded in greeting, flashing a small genuine smile. Rhysand closed the doors and locked.

"This way nobody will disturb us," he explained noting your widened eyes. "Where would you like to sit? We can move to sofa if it helps you feel more comfortable."

You considered it, your gaze nervously ticking between the two options. "I-.. I'm not sure what to expect," your voice was so small, it was a miracle they heard you.

"Well, it shouldn't be painful, maybe just little uncomfortable," Rhysand shrugged.

"I think sofa would be better," Azriel voiced his opinion and you nodded.

All three of you moved to the set of sofas. You and Rhysand sat down on one, Azriel took a seat at another one as close to you as possible.

"Okay, so let me explain first," Rhys straightened his back. He cleared his throat. "I don't know how it looks inside of your mind and what's blocking your memories. So first I have to find out the reason of your memory loss. When I figure it out, I will try to release one memory at a time, so you have time to adjust or stop me when you've had enough."

He took your hand and gently squeezed it. "You can stop this anytime," he assured you, his voice soft. "Just a single word and I will stop."

You nodded, too nervous to find your voice. You let out a shuddering breath.

"Do you need a moment or something to drink?" Ariel offered from your other side.

You shook your head, even your voice shivered. "Let's get started." Before I change my mind. You added for yourself.

"Okay, make yourself comfortable," Rhys smiled kindly and pressing small kiss on the back of your hand he squeezed it between his big, warm palms. You leaned back, resting you head on the soft backrest. Azriel moved closer, now sitting on the edge of his sofa, and squeezed your other hand. You tried to smile at him even though you trembled too much.

"I'm going in," Rhysand said. At that very same moment you felt something like a gentle caress before a presence slipped into your mind. It was a very strange feeling. It's me. Don't be scared.

I know. You answered and shut your eyes.

Rhysand looked around. Your mind reminded him of a forest. Each memory was represented by a shimmery chains of light and shadows growing from the ground like a tall tree with strong roots and changing into a rich crown high above his head.

Every mind was different, original in its own way. He had never seen anything like this. It was fascinating and so unfamiliar at the same time.

He knew you changed, but just now he realised how much. Before it looked like a city of Velaris in your mind. Your memories used to be hidden behind colourful doors and windows, just open them. Wide alleys for your favourite memories, mysterious narrow streets for the secret ones.

Wandering around he felt lost. He didn't know which direction could lead him back in time.

Rhys reached out in attempt to touch one of those strange trees. The light poured between his fingers like water. He saw himself smiling and talking about the one time you two stole cookies your mother baked from the kitchen and ate them all. Later your stomachs hurt so much you couldn't hide it and your mum got angry with you both.

That happened last week. He took few steps and looked around. A dark tree made of mostly shadows caught his eye, so he touched it. Rhysand again saw himself, rage seeping from him. It was the day of Solstice when he snatched you from Tamlin's grip so harshly he broke Tamlin's arm. He withdrew his hand in disgust. He didn't want to see it.

Walking in the same direction he continued deeper into the forest, occasionally touching some of the trees. He saw glimpses of your life with Tamlin which caused his guts to twist. He even saw the day you saved him and wondered who could be so strong to hurt High Lord of Spring Court. He was too curious to stop himself from touching the trees around just so he could see how you lived, what you did while he mourned you.

However simple and uneventful your previous life seemed to be, only thing he could feel was emptiness. In your heart you had to know something was amiss, that something was missing. He took a note to ask you more about it later.

He wandered for what felt like hours. Light was dim in this part of forest, darkness waiting ahead, around him only what could be described as dead trees. Before the darkness could swallow him, Rhysand smashed into a solid surface. Staggering backwards he hissed, rubbing the sore spot. Carefully he touched the wall first only with tips of his fingers, then with the whole palm.

The impenetrable wall was smooth and cold. He sent small tendrils of power on each side just to find out it had no beginning and no end. This was it.

I found it. Now it might get a bit uncomfortable, he said into silence.

Go ahead.

Rhysand placed both palms on the surface and closed his eyes. With exhale his powers stretched, covering the wall, looking for weak spots he could use to get in. Seemingly there were none. He refused to give up so easily and so he pushed harder until he found one.

He knew that if he stepped inside, he could stay trapped without chance to escape. Carefully he pushed one claw in. What he found there reminded a ball of tangled threads. He sighed. Why he expected it would be easy.

Rhys pushed another claw in and began to untangling the mess. One of the threads had loosened. Before taking it out he briefly looked what kind of memory it contained. It was something from your childhood, faces of both of your parents clearly visible and smiling. It was a happy family moment. This one is good, he thought and pulled it out.

The thread flew on imaginary wind and settled on one of the dead trees, melting into it. For a while nothing happened, the tree was just as dead as before. Rhysand tilted his head to the side, frowning. What the hell was that supposed to mean. Did the memory return back behind the wall? He was about to step closer to examine it when the ground around the tree shone with dim light. The light travelled to the roots, gathering around and.. Went out.

Are you kidding me? Rhysand murmured, disappointed.

Suddenly the light exploded from the roots, climbing up the trunk, reviving loosened dead chains, straining them. Rhysand had to shut his eyes and even shield them with his forearm. One of the swirling chains hit into his ribs, followed by a snapping sound. He cursed. When he dared to crack his eyes open again, new sparkling tree with wide crown grew in front of him. He checked his side, but there was only a small bruise.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. It was just.. unexpected. I've never experienced anything like this. Do you want to continue?"

Low hum of agreement came in answer. Rhysand again stretched his powers along the wall. This time it was easier to find the crack. Choosing one of the light, happy colours he untangled another thread, briefly checked it and pulled it out. His action was followed by explosion of light. He repeated this until you stopped him, checking on you after each memory he returned to you.

When he finished the dead forest wasn't so dead anymore. Instead it was laced with flickering lights.